Today is 7 weeks that I have been without my Wiley. The pain only gets worse as timr goes by. I had such a bad panic attack Saturday I considered going to the ER. I don't know how to go on ... I love my other cats and am so happy I have them, I also see changes in willow and abbeyboo... sometimes tanner acts off... ik they miss him and feel the shift in the house. Things are not the same... not even close. My depression is getting worse and the anxiety has a life of its own. I want him back I don't know what to do I miss him so much my life is completely upside down. I am haunted by the memories of that last day 8/17 and im second guessing my choice wishing I had given it a few more days... he was so scared at the vet and I couldnt stop crying which im sure added to his own fears... he knew what was happening and I regret not letting him sleep off the initial relaxation injection and taking him home. My keeten im so sorry I betrayed u I took u to see what dr Arnold thought but inside ik it was time but I should have let u come home and be w me and ur brothers and sisters for a little longer omg it hurts so bad not having u here there are no words to describe the agony in my soul when I think of u and all that u are to me.
I try to be upbeat around the other cats.. tanner always trying to play with me and then they all join in... but eventually I succumb to the thoughts and I crumble...
I just don't know how to go on. I still talk to u all the time do u hear me? I hug the tin that holds ur ashes and kiss it all the time as well as ur picture by the candle.. I usually fall apart at that point. So many things remind me of u and tho it hurts I am glad because I never want a single day to go by that I don't think about my best friend kitten
lover sweet.
Im hurting so much wwithout u....
I love u more than life xoxo
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I'm sorry your in so much pain. Don't question your grief; we all live it differently. For some, the pain lasts longer than for others. You're allowed to feel that way. You have lost someone very dear to you and had to put an end to a privileged relationship, one that you cannot have with anybody else. It is normal that you should feel such pain. You have to let the tears come whenever your heart feels like shedding them.

As far as the decision you took, it was the most considerate one, although it does not seem like it right now. You did what was best for your friend, please be sure of that. You never betrayed Wiley, how could you ever? The great love you had for him would never had let you do such things. You acted intelligently and in a caring manner.

Keep writing to Wiley, it is important that you do so. And I'm sure he gets all of your loving letters and kind words. I feel your pain so much, and I'm so very sorry you have to go through such a rough time. Know that you're not alone in this. Last Tuesday was a dreadful day for me. All the pain I felt the first few days after Tsuk's passing came back with great force. I spent most of the day crying and suffering. I know exactly what you are going through.

I hope you find some peace.

I'm sending you hugs and thoughts of healing.

Please take care of yourself,

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thank you eric xo I have been thinking about u ik u are struggling even before this response. We will never be the same....
Thank you for the encouragement I have been crying for days Saturday night was horrible. I feel so helpless and alone even tho I know im not, as u are keeping me calm right now.
I think of ur beautiful Tsuk alot... I pray for u as well as the others on this forum. Ive never known pain like this and I beg God to help me and everyone here but we are all still hurting so much.... its unbearable.
I love u for being here to support me when I know how u are feeling. I pray u find peace as well, my friend.
Thank u for ur words tonight and always.
My heart is just obliterated.

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I'm sorry to hear you are suffering so much but I know what you are feeling. I agree with Eric that your decision was a considerate one. There is sure no question in my mind how much you love Wiley. That is why your grief is crippling, you loved him with all your heart and now your heart is shattered. I just responded to Eric's post tonight and I mentioned to him that I have never experienced true grief as I did not really grieve nearly as much for family members as much as I have my Rita. The reason is because Rita is the only one in my almost 62 years on this planet who loved me unconditionally. So while it doesn't take away the intense pain it gives a reason as to why the grief is crippling.
As I said before, the more you love the more you grieve. And Wiley does hear you when you talk to him.
Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself, it's what Wiley would want.
Take care friend
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