Amyd0110
Hi everybody, I am new to this site but I decided to sign up to share my story and get some support. My poor little kitten passed away two nights ago after being through a rough life. They believe he was born in June so he would have been 7 months but he was the tiniest little boy. His real name was Cement (his original owners name him that) I always called him Mr. Mittens. This is a very long story but I hope you will stick with me and read it all):

A man who owned a concrete business found a litter of kittens outside of his shop in July. He didn't know what to do so he left them there one more night. The next day he came back to see all of the kittens were attacked by something and killed. Except for one kitten hiding under a wooden pallet. He took him into his shop, took him to the vet to get the few scratches on his face fixed up, and named him Cement. From then on he became the shop kitty in the garage. One day in September the workers came into the shop to discover a wooden pallet fell onto then poor kitten and he was stuck underneath with just his head sticking out. They rushed him to the vets and he was X-rayed and discovered he had a badly broken pelvis and tail. He was prescribed pain medicine and needed to be on cage rest for 5 weeks. The man that had him was such a busy guy running his own business he asked his cat loving friend if she could take care of him. The cat loving friend was my boyfriends mom, and of course she said yes. She texted my boyfriend to tell him there is a hurt kitten at the house in a cage. And I of course told him we need to rush over there and see the poor kitten, because if there's anyone in this world that loves cats too much, it's me... I fell in love instantly and tears rolled down my face as I looked at the helpless little kitten whose back legs couldn't move. They said if he did not move his bowels in three days he would need to be put to sleep. I watched Mr.Mittens like a hawk and tried feeding him and giving him water but he refused. He didn't go to the bathroom for 2 whole days. On the morning of the third day he finally moved his bowels and peed! I was so happy he could live!

He had lots of trouble getting up and walking and especially had trouble pushing to poop. When he got turds out they were little and flat. But he was at least going. 5 weeks of cage rest and he was ready to walk all around the house. He had a goofy crooked tail and walked a little funny but it's what made him special! The other 3 cats accepted him immediately, it was strange to me! He loved canned food and kitten milk and seemed to be the happiest kitten ever! A month later we began to notice he was trying to poop anywhere in the house, he would push but nothing would come out. He started to just have little puddles come out, and would have it on his rear end almost all the time. And he would get poop smears all over the house. We thought he had a bone blocking his canal. Right before Christmas it seemed to have gotten worse and like he was never getting anything out. We had to wait after Christmas to take him to the vets because my boyfriend and I had no money.

The vets felt him and could feel he was backed up with poop. Lots of it. They gave him an enema and sub-q fluids with some lactulose medication (stool softener). We were given a weeks worth of enemas, fluids, medication, special food, and a high calorie syrup. He was not himself when we brought him home that day, he didn't want to eat or move and he threw up the second dose of lactulose. It was because he was so tired from everything done to him. The next day he was also very tired, but I gave him his sub-q fluids so he would not be dehydrated. We also talked to the vets later that night and she said not to give him the enema or medication and she wanted to see him the next morning. He did eat a little bit and perked up after the fluids. Our poor kitty also smelled so so so bad because this backed up feces were being flushed out of him. She X-rayed him the next day and his bones have healed wonderfully and there was enough room for poop to be moved through and pushed out. But there was a lot of poop stuck in his colon.

For a week he was in and out of the vets for deeper enemas that seemed to be working wonders. We were taking him home afterwards and he seemed to be doing just fine. On Monday the vet said the mass of feces in him is breaking down very slowly and suggested a procedure where he would be put under and they would use a probe to go up into his colon and remove the impaction. We dropped him off Tuesday to get this procedure but his blood work indicated his red blood cell count was too low and he was very anemic and they couldn't do the procedure because he might not wake up. They kept him there that night and gave him an enema. They called the next morning (Wednesday) to let us know he is doing well and ate a lot of food. They wanted to keep him there all day and another night. That day they gave him 3 enemas and did get a lot of poop out but after the third enema at 4pm he was very weak and tired. I visited him before I went to work and he was so so so wiped out. It broke my heart. I went to work and got a call around 7:15 saying he was not doing well and was very weak and tired and he may not make it. They have him pain medication so he was not in pain. I got this voicemail on my break around 8. I called my boyfriend and we both left work to rush to see our baby one more time. The vets office closed at 7 but luckily there were two vet techs left taking care of him and let us in to see him.

The vet tech handed me my little boy wrapped up in a blanket where he was helpless. He mewed at my boyfriend and I about 5 times and moved his head, the tech said he hasn't made barely any noise all night. My heart was breaking so badly and we were both balling out eyes out. We held him for a long time, crying, talking to him, and kissing him. He needed to stay at the vets to receive any medication he needed. I felt so terrible leaving him there but I knew he had to be. The vet techs stayed with him hours after they were supposed to go home. He ended up passing away not long after my boyfriend and I said goodbye and left. They said he was given two shots of pain medication so he would not feel a thing.

I feel terrible letting him be like that that night. I never thought when I dropped him off the stay there he was gonna end up like this. He was so happy that day I dropped him off, walking, purring, meowing. And then I see him helplessly in a blanket. I feel so bad I was not able to put him to sleep that night because no vets were there. He was given pain medication and said that he was not in pain, but I can't seem to believe he wasn't suffering. Were his mews out of happiness to see us or out of suffering? I feel awful that he was there for the last days of his life and not with us. I feel as though that we did not take him soon enough to the vets. He passed away because all his feces were breaking up inside of him and so many toxins were being released into his little 2 pound body and he couldn't handle it anymore. He was recieving penicillin shots to try to fight the toxins but it did not work. I feel like they shouldn't have given him three enemas in one day, but maybe it was necessary because they did almost get all of the feces out of him at this point. I can't help but keep blaming myself for his death and I don't know why.

He probably would have had life long issues where he would need to be on stool softener for life and get an enema once a month. But at least he would be living. Is it better that he is at peace now and doesn't have to live with that? He just seemed so happy at home and loving and he was so young. I wanted him to be with me for much longer. I just can't accept that he is gone and I feel like he left this life upset with my boyfriend and I for doing this to him): I just love him so much and want him back with us. Yesterday morning was the last time I got to say goodbye to his lifeless body and decided to get him cremated. I can't seem to stop crying and feel so depressed. I feel like I failed him..
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cakes488
Thank you for giving Mr. Mittens such a wonderful life!  Although I know it was much too brief he looked like a very happy kitty who had himself a great family.  It's not easy saying goodbye whether it's 7 months, 7 or 17 years...it's never easy to go through the loss of some thing that you love fiercely. 

No matter what happened I believe you would find something to feel guilty about.  I can say this because I do the same thing.  

 
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MollyMay1
You never failed him, you did what you could for him but it seemed he was not very strong from the poor start in life he had. It is natural to feel this way as i have felt this to when i lost my Molly cat in October. She had chronic  kidney disease and went into a slow demise over 6 months. i gave her meds, numerous costly blood tests and most of all love but i couldn't save her and was devastated. No amount money in the world would have done anything. You may not feel it at the moment but you should feel good about yourself that you gave him a chance by
getting him the treatment you did. He had little bits of respite at least. Mo words at the moment will make you feel better but time will make you see things clearer.You will still feel grief as i  still do at the moment but the pain will ease slowly. It is good to talk about these things on here and feel it is helping me as other pet lovers know what you are going through. You are a very kind soul to do what you did so remember that. x
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Beaglemomma
Oh honey, what a SAD story about your little one.  I am sooooooo sorry for you.  Everyone here understands what you are going through.  You did everything you possibly could to save that little life.  Please be kind to yourself now, knowing you did all you could do.  Our babies love us unconditionally and they break our hearts when they are gone, but you will see him again.  Stay with this Forum till you feel stronger.  We are ALL here for you.
janice
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rlynn91
Don't feel you failed him you didn't you did all you could My cat passed away 1 month this saturday she died of Cancer she was 12 yrs old her name was Fiona She was my baby and i miss her so much She was loosing weight and wouldn't eat or drink she lost so much weight she died 1 week before christmas 12376753_1171066579588086_5314987317947164848_n.jpg 
Rhonda robenolt

*Love you always fiona & Mrs kitty 
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MizzMeow
You rescued Mr. Mittens and helped him get medical care. That is first rate pet parenting! There is absolutely no way you could have known he would decline so quickly. Mr. Mittens was exactly where he needed to be -- with his vet! You and your boyfriend very selflessly cared for this little kitten and gave him what was obviously a ton of love. I'm sure he knew that! Please don't feel like his death is your fault.  Mr. Mittens himself knew he wasn't well. He doesn't blame you or your boyfriend for that. I think these feeling of guilt and questioning are normal during grief (I am certainly experiencing them right now). Please be kind to yourself. <3
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Kary
It must be natural to second guess your decisions when your pet dies. My calico cat Lily (16) died at home yesterday. I miss her so much - I keep crying about not being able to pet her again, have her follow me around as I garden outside, swish her tail across my face when I read; all the ways she communicated her love. I'm happy I was able to pet her as she was dying, but it was very hard to watch. I believe I felt her purring as I stroked her. I cannot reconcile myself to the thought of never seeing her again, so I cry. This seems to feel worse than when my dad died years ago - how can that be?
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Amyd0110
MollyMay1 wrote:
You never failed him, you did what you could for him but it seemed he was not very strong from the poor start in life he had. It is natural to feel this way as i have felt this to when i lost my Molly cat in October. She had chronic  kidney disease and went into a slow demise over 6 months. i gave her meds, numerous costly blood tests and most of all love but i couldn't save her and was devastated. No amount money in the world would have done anything. You may not feel it at the moment but you should feel good about yourself that you gave him a chance by
getting him the treatment you did. He had little bits of respite at least. Mo words at the moment will make you feel better but time will make you see things clearer.You will still feel grief as i  still do at the moment but the pain will ease slowly. It is good to talk about these things on here and feel it is helping me as other pet lovers know what you are going through. You are a very kind soul to do what you did so remember that. x


I am very sorry to hear about your kitty Molly. It's crazy how much we will do to save our pets when they're in need of help. Mittens wiped out my bank account and my boyfriends. And we don't care at all! We even had to borrow money from his grandma. I wouldn't even care if I had $10,000 dollars worth of vet bills to pay off because I love my kitties so much.
I know we did everything we could and I'm trying to grasp that. Reading the positive responses I am receiving is really helping me out and making me a little happier. Thank you so much for your reply! I hope your grief fades away for Molly, I'm sure she was a wonderful kitty. I know it's going to take a while but I'm hoping eventually it starts to slowly fade for me.
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Amyd0110
cakes488 wrote:
Thank you for giving Mr. Mittens such a wonderful life!  Although I know it was much too brief he looked like a very happy kitty who had himself a great family.  It's not easy saying goodbye whether it's 7 months, 7 or 17 years...it's never easy to go through the loss of some thing that you love fiercely. 

No matter what happened I believe you would find something to feel guilty about.  I can say this because I do the same thing.  

 


We did give him the best life he could have had! And I am so blessed that this little animal was brought into my life when he was first injured. He was so helpless at first and I am so happy I helped with his recovery and he was able to walk again and be happy for the 4 months we had him.
I will never forget about my sweet little Mittens. He made the best out of his life and he couldn't have done it without us. I wish he was still here with us, but I know he is now happy and healthy where he is now.
I'm beginning to put aside my guilt and be positive as best as I can. I still do have guilty thoughts, but this morning I feel a lot better. I'm still very sad but I know it is a long process to overcome this.
Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it(:
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Amyd0110
Beaglemomma wrote:
Oh honey, what a SAD story about your little one.  I am sooooooo sorry for you.  Everyone here understands what you are going through.  You did everything you possibly could to save that little life.  Please be kind to yourself now, knowing you did all you could do.  Our babies love us unconditionally and they break our hearts when they are gone, but you will see him again.  Stay with this Forum till you feel stronger.  We are ALL here for you.


It is very hard to go through losing a pet. My last kitty passed years ago and I was much younger. Although I was very sad when he passed, my dad was the one taking him to the vets and had to be put to sleep because of cancer. So I never experienced actually being with a sick animal and taking them to their vet appointments. I am 21 and have a full understanding now. And I believe that is another reason why it is so hard on me.
Our babies do break our hearts when their time is up, but I know we give them the best lives when they're here with us.
Thank you so much for replying to my post, it means so much to me. All the responses are making me much happier. It feels good to be able to talk to people I've never met and have so much support. Thank you!
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Amyd0110
rlynn91 wrote:
Don't feel you failed him you didn't you did all you could My cat passed away 1 month this saturday she died of Cancer she was 12 yrs old her name was Fiona She was my baby and i miss her so much She was loosing weight and wouldn't eat or drink she lost so much weight she died 1 week before christmas 12376753_1171066579588086_5314987317947164848_n.jpg 


A similar thing happened to one of my cats a few years ago when I was younger. He had cancer, lost a lot of weight, and was very sick. My dad had to put him to sleep): he was a sweetheart and I was so sad. I am very sorry to hear about Fiona, she's a very beautiful kitty! I'm sure you gave her such a great life(: We both did all we could do for our babies. I'm still very sad today, I honestly don't even want to go to work.. But I still will go. It will only help me through this painful loss.
Thank you for your post and I hope you also overcome your grief of your kitty Fiona's passing. She will always be with you.
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Amyd0110
MizzMeow wrote:
You rescued Mr. Mittens and helped him get medical care. That is first rate pet parenting! There is absolutely no way you could have known he would decline so quickly. Mr. Mittens was exactly where he needed to be -- with his vet! You and your boyfriend very selflessly cared for this little kitten and gave him what was obviously a ton of love. I'm sure he knew that! Please don't feel like his death is your fault.  Mr. Mittens himself knew he wasn't well. He doesn't blame you or your boyfriend for that. I think these feeling of guilt and questioning are normal during grief (I am certainly experiencing them right now). Please be kind to yourself. <3


I'm starting to realize that my boyfriend and I did all we could for Mittens. Either way he needed to go to the vets and this needed to be done. I just didn't expect it to turn out this way): It was so hard seeing him the way he was for how young he was. He needed to be with the vet to get the medical attention he needed. We put so much time, money, and effort into trying to heal him and it was all worth it. I hope he knows we love him unconditionally and we did all we could.
I'm sorry to hear you are also going through similar feelings right now.. It's not easy. My heart literally aches for my little kitty I'm missing so dearly. I hope your guilt and grieving fade away, and I hope mine will too over time. We just need to stay positive and know that our loved ones we are missing are always with us! Thank you for replying to my post, it means a lot to me.
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Amyd0110
Kary wrote:
It must be natural to second guess your decisions when your pet dies. My calico cat Lily (16) died at home yesterday. I miss her so much - I keep crying about not being able to pet her again, have her follow me around as I garden outside, swish her tail across my face when I read; all the ways she communicated her love. I'm happy I was able to pet her as she was dying, but it was very hard to watch. I believe I felt her purring as I stroked her. I cannot reconcile myself to the thought of never seeing her again, so I cry. This seems to feel worse than when my dad died years ago - how can that be?


I am so so sorry about Lily): I know exactly how you are feeling, and it's so hard to get through. I was also watching my kitty fade away while holding him in my arms. Although I was not there for his final breaths, I was with him right before and I'm glad I was. He mewed at us and I believe he was just happy to see us and that we cared for him so much. And I believe that is why your sweet kitty was purring, thank you for comforting her in her last moments. For me this also feels worse than when I lost a family member, and I don't understand why either. I think it is because we come home to our cats every single day and spend so much time with them. They're like children. My cats were always there for me to help me get through tough times, and it's hard to do that when they're not with us. Luckily I have 4 of my own cats at home to get me through the loss of Mittens. I can't get myself to go over to my boyfriends house where Mittens lived because I cry too much. Every thing reminds me of him there and I keep mistaking the other cats for Mittens. My boyfriend has 3 other cats and if I turn around and one is following me, I subconsciously think it is Mittens because he always followed behind me. It's hard, but I will need to adjust to it.
I'm sorry you are feeling the same way I am, I wouldn't want anyone to experience this pain. But it is a part of life. We gotta stay positive and remember the great memories with our babies. They are still with us no matter what! We treated them like royalty and they had the best lives they could've possibly had!
Let me know how you are doing and hopefully we both get through this. Right now it seems impossible, but I'm sure we'll get through this.
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MizzMeow
Amyd01001 - the support & love y'all showed Mr. Mittens makes you both exceptionally strong pet parents! I don't know if this would help, but perhaps you could honor Mr. Mittens by adopting another special needs kitty in the future? Or perhaps fostering or helping with one? Not everyone is equipped to care for a very sick animal, but you two certainly  have the love and open hearts for it!
 
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CatMomma
I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand feeling guilt even if though there is no reason to. I had to put my 6 month old baby girl, Kit Kt to rest on 1/7/16. She was diagnosed with F.I.P. on 1/6/16. She was only with me for 3 months. She was so weak and sick. I was able to hold her as she was put to sleep but I felt so guilty I couldn't save her somehow. I kept telling her I was so so sorry. I miss and love her like crazy. I still cry, as I am now writing this. It is so hard when they are babies and it is all so sudden. You did your very best for your baby. He had a loving home with great humans. I have found so much understanding and support here. It is still hard, but knowing I am not alone helps. I will one day smile instead of cry at memories as you will one day too. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I started keeping a journal with my thoughts, feelings and memories of my baby girl Kit Kat. I dedicated it to her. It has helped me express my grief. Take care of yourself, smile and know your baby will always be in your heart.
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