Been 6 months now that I said goodbye to Macky , it sounds so long to me when I say it out loud and I cant really believe it to be honest .

I still miss him the same as the start I dont think that will ever change and I'm ok with that I hope I never stop missing my boy .

The biggest challenge I've faced since Macky left is the lack of purpose I've felt and my identity feeling stripped away from me . I no longer feel like the same person I was when Macky was alive .

Trying to comprehend that he's really gone and that its final / forever has been difficult and still is , I struggle with absorbing that he's forever gone in a physical way .
I mean he was alive here breathing , heart beating he was a living someone and now he's no more , I still cant absorb that completely.

I dont have kids so Macky was a child to me , I treated him like one and he showed me loyalty as they do and I was his only one , my sweet boy .

I got Macky when I was about 18 and a half 19 yrs old , he was only 6 weeks old
The day I went to get him I walked into the persons house and all the puppies were running around playing and Macky was the one that came straight up to me . That was it he was mine and me his !

He was such a good pup from day 1 he never peed or pooped inside that first night and never cried he slept next to my arms all night , being only 6 weeks old I think that's amazing.

When Macky was roughly 12 months old he started to have problems with his back legs so took him to the vets . Xrays showed congenital hip displaysa his vet suggested that I euthanized him then and there .
It broke me and I was absolutely devastated but I said no way I'm not putting him to sleep.

Unbelievable to me he got though that bad flare up and I had Macky for 15 years and 5 months imagine if I had of listened to that horrid vet .
Throughout Mackys life he did struggle at times with his hips / legs but never as bad as that time at 12 months old.
Only the last couple of years did it start showing major signs and in the end his bad hips is what got him .
I always told people and him that when his hips are that bad and he cannot get up to go to the toilet then I will do the right thing by him . I did

Maybe I left it to long to euthanize him but I dont think so as most know it's such a confusing time that I kept trying things to get him better . It bothers me that he felt anxious I hate that he felt like that , so much was going wrong with him that I felt out of control and I didn't want to lose him .
We always wish we could go back and change things , I wish I could change a few things but at the time I did what I thought was right and with a overwhelmed mind I made mistakes and unfortunately Macky wasnt completely comfortable.

I dont understand life and why we are here only to lose who we love ? Questions I never asked before , I do feel lost and alone though I'm around people .

I wished I hugged Macky more and just absorbed life at a slower pace when he was here , I was always rushing and things always had to be perfect which created anxiety in me . If only I knew that he would REALLY die one day but I was child like in my mind to think that wouldn't happen to him .

Thank you to this forum it's been a massive help for me , especially in the beginning when it felt I would make it though those first few weeks ...

Everyone on here is a beautiful person and I hope yous all find peace inside after loosing your fur babies as do I....
Thank you

A pic of Macky eating a yogurt that he use to love
My special best friend my kid my boy

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What a beautiful tribute to your Macky. He was your boy, not human but who cares right? You could not have loved him more is he was human. You love him so much still, and he still loves him mum. And the picture of him slurping the yogurt, priceless!!! Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you MAlcindor
Yes I thought I'd put a funny happy photo up today
And I do love him still always will
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