Mackysmum
I can't believe it's 5 weeks today my boy went to the after life to wait for me
The last week has been ' well pretty terrible , i fell into what I would call a depressed state of grieving it was a place ive been before over the time but tonight its lifted ' strangely, .
Time goes so quick it doesn't seen right that its already that long , I'm not sure how long it feels like to be honest .
I miss my boy and I have not accepted that he has passed away , family tell me in time i will i guess that's possible yet at the moment I can't even fully absorb that this has happened . Im not in denial its just I can't wrap my heart or head around that this has happened and my boy i had for near half my life has gone now .
One thing im sure about is the rapid changing feelings of grief that i have endured over these last 5 weeks .
I put my favorite colour flower on my mackys grave today , he was a funny boy he would try to eat flowers at times lol .
Miss you my smart , head strong , loyal , big teddy bear boy my macky moo
Mum loves you so much , i did not realise just how much I needed YOU untill i did not have you any more , i always knew how much I loved you though and I think you knew how much I did and still do forever and always till my last breath my sweet boy xxxooo
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Chinadoll
I am so sorry for your loss, Macky is such a cute dog! Five weeks, can seem like a moment one day and an eternity the next. I know I went for months trying to accept my losses, I knew they were gone but I could not deal with it. I did a few things that helped me over the months. I started a journal, two of them, one full of the memories and funny things and quirky things (like Macky eating flowers, lol). As things would come to mind I would jot them down to preserve them over the years ahead. I also wrote a journal of my 'journey', I wrote to them, talked about my days/weeks, how I felt, how the grief would come in waves. If I had any sign from them I would write it down. The missing routines were so difficult, you feel kind of lost, not knowing what to do from one day to the next. As times went by, I slowly began to feel less grief. It comes in very small steps but each one is helpful. I light candles each Sunday to honor them, to speak to them, to be with them. Lots of tears, lots. I never forced myself to do anything that I wasn't ready to do. It's been over a year now and I realize I will never completely get past the grief, it has become a part of my life but I know why now. The love and bond are never lost, it is eternal, so the missing will be also. They blessed my life, they changed me forever, they were a gift, I honor that each day. This is a very helpful place, this forum, it can help you heal. Go at your own pace, take it slow, it will get better. Blessings to you.
Charlie
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Mackysmum
Thank you very much Chinadoll I really loved your reply , i really loved the idea of writing down all the memories of macky and the funny things that he did and his quirks that only he had. Such a great idea I will start tomorrow after I get myself a nice writing pad .
Today has been a much better day then the last week which was very dark and sad , i feel guilty if I feel better but I know it will not last long untill another wave will hit me . So i will rejoice in the better days they don't last long.
Thank you again for your suggestion i will be writing starting tomorrow , my fear has been forgetting stuff about macky , my memory is not the best , so this is a excellent idea .
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