JessAndBean
I know they say grief is different for all of us. Some experience it right after a loss and others have more of a cyclical effect I'm stick in cyclical. It's been 5 months since my Beannie left me and still cry hard as the day she left me. I can't help feeling I should have done more for her. She passed away in bed next to me but not in my arms. I had my hand on her and petted her the last breath she took but I still worry she didn't know I was there. She was such a huge part of my life. The good days I can think of her and miss her and be ok, but the bad days I cry so hard I can barely breathe. I want nothing more than to hug her and kiss her and tell her how much I love her. I'm sad I don't dream of her (only 2 or 3 times since she left me) more, I'm sad I haven't seen her ghost, I'm sad my mind doesn't play tricks on me and I think she's there even for a moment. I am very aware she is gone all the time, even in my few dreams I was aware they were dreams and she wasn't really there. I miss you so much Beannie Boo :-(
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Bellamum
Hi Jessica,
I read your post and felt that I could have written it myself when I was at the 5 month mark.  I totally understand all of the thoughts and feelings that you have expressed and I think that what you are feeling is perfectly normal.  Beanie was such an important part of your life, a family member.  We do not adjust to losing a family member in a short space of time.  The loss that we have experienced is deep and it will take time, lots of time, to learn how to cope with our "new normal".
I said goodbye to my gorgeous beagle, Bella, a little over 11 months ago and I still have many, many days of tears.  Like you, I have some days that are okay and I think I am beginning to show signs of adjusting, and then I have terrible days when tears come so easily and just saying Bella's name is enough to get me sobbing.
Like you, I miss the physical touch too.  I long to hold her, kiss her and whisper how much I love her in her ear, and it is almost impossible to comprehend that I will not be able to do that again. 
I also wish that I would dream of Bella...my only dreams have not been positive ones, but rather focussing on the circumstances of losing her.  I tell myself that every time she just pops into my head is her saying hello.  When I think of her (which is so often) it is her way of still being with me.
You were so lucky to have had Beanie in your life. You were blessed beyond your wildest dreams.  Try to focus on those thoughts of gratitude and the fact that you feel so privileged to be her mom.  Those thoughts help me to get through my bad days.
I wish you peace and healing. 
Karen
(Bella, Charli and Buddy's very lucky mum)

My gorgeous girl, Bella  26/07/2004 - 03/04/2014
"You were once by our side, but you will be forever in our hearts. Until we meet again baby girl."
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JessAndBean
Thank you so much for your kind words, I feel a little relief that I'm not the only one that feels this way. Sorry for your loss of Bella. These little fur babies just stole our hearts.
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AliceM
I am sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through. I am only in my 2rd day of the loss of my Cali so there have really been no good days yet and don't really expect any for a long while. I lost a little schnauzer 9 years ago and still am unable to talk about him with anyone which leads me to believe eventually the pain will lessen but never entirely go away. My thought are with you and I am wishing you more good days then bad someday soon.
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JessAndBean
I'm so sorry for your loss of Cali and your schnauzer 9 years ago. I wish they lived as long as us. I hope things get easier (for us both).
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Kittypup
I feel for you JessAndBean, and like AliceM, I too wish you more good days than bad.

AliceM, you are amazing at giving support and wishing people well even in the midst of your own grief. Your Cali (and your little schnauzer before) had been blessed to have you as their human, with such a kind heart as yours.
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loft2111
I lost my Little Man five months ago and still cry.  Some weeks are more tolerable than others, but there are weeks that I feel a thousand pounds of pain on my shoulders and the tears to follow.  You are not alone.
Thinking of you and Beannie.
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shantismom
Grief takes such a strange path, sometimes better, sometimes worse.  Last night after reading some of these posts I was trying to think of some words of comfort for all of us.  It came into my mind that our beloved furbabies would not want us to cry because they always liked to see us happy.  Right when I thought of that,  I thought of Shanti wanting me to be happy and I started to cry, because of that love he showed me and how much I miss it.
The day we were to take him for his last visit, I knew a few hours before and I was crying, Shanti came out, jumped on my lap and rubbed my face.  He didn't want to see me cry, but don't you just want to cry when you think of that?
Only time really helps, how much time, I don't know but I do know that sometimes I feel better, I do look at Shanti's picture and smile now instead of cry everytime.
May God bring comfort to us all.  I know I have many things to be thankful for and this forum is one of them.
Marlene Wagner
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Tigers_Girl1
It's been three months since I list my beloved Tiger dog. Some days I feel like I'm coping but, like today daft as it sounds, I was eating some cherry tomatoes - his favorite - and I forgot and shouted for him to come and get one. I sat on the kitchen floor sobbing and devastated. I feel like I'm back at square one.
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DanielsMom
It is helpful to know I am not the only one. We are picking up Daniel's ashes today after losing him to a sudden illness on Tuesday. I do not know if the future holds as much happiness but I have to think it does. I read a helpful thought yesterday: Their lives are so short so that we can have many of them in OUR lives. Many of us are not ready to think of a new pet, but when we are, all of the love for animals that this group has will surely be harnessed and other animals -- and there are so many - will find loving homes.
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Tigers_Girl1
I have a new fur baby. I could never gave another dog, I'd feel like I was cheating on Tiger. Last month I got a rescue kitten called Squeaky ( he can't meow only squeak) and it's helped a lot. He's kept me busy and he's so loving. The first thing he did was go and smell the box where I have Tigers Ashes. He'll never replace Tiger but he's helping me move on.
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Kittypup
Daniel's Mom: Yes, when I'm ready, I'm opening my home to a rescued dog (who knows, maybe even a cat). I'm going to expand my love to another animal who had been hoping for another human to love him/her.
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Dalidog

So sorry for the loss of your Beannie.  I am at that 5 months too since my girl left and I know exactly how you feel.  I don't know what to do most days, and I don't think I will ever get used to this "normal" whatever that is.  Grief is different for all of us and just remember that with great love comes great grief.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and Beanie...hugs to you from me and Dali

"

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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