CoopersMommy
Tomorrow is 20 weeks - 5 months since I've seen my baby boy, since I've held him and kissed him and told him I love him. He was so perfect in every way. I miss his beautiful little face every moment of every day. That beautiful, silky white hair. That pink little nose. Those beautiful black eyes. He was the happiest boy I've ever seen. So loving and fun. So full of life. I can't believe it's almost been half a year. Before I know it, a year will have gone by. I could've never imagined my life without Cooper and now that's my reality. I must now live everyday without him. Cooper, you were my best friend. My constant source of peace and comfort. You will never know the tears I have cried for you. But it is only fitting, for the love I had and still have for you is indescribable and immeasurable. Mommy misses you baby boy. 
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donnalee

I know CoopersMommy, Can you believe this much time has passed?  I'm right there with you at 5 1/2 months.  I feel the same way you do but you expressed it so much better than I could have.   I sure miss my little boy too.  God bless you, my friend!

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judylinn

sending love to you. its only been 2 months but it still hurts so bad when you have such a deep relationship with them. sending prayers your way.  Judy

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tikibarb
The time seems to move so fast.  Ted will be gone 3 months on the Thursday.  I get a lump in my stomach thinking about it.  Re-living that day is heart wrenching.  
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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TxGuy

Sending prayers of comfort your way.

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DebbieD
I know what you mean, CoopersMommy, about how much time it's been. I'm going on 17 weeks and sometimes it feels like it wasn't that long ago I held Misty, but mostly it feels like forever since I held her and told her I loved her.

Take care everyone - our furbabies know how much we love them.
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CoopersMommy
Thank you everyone.

Debbie - I know what you mean. Sometimes it feels like he was never here. Just a figment of my imagination. Sometimes I see his picture and feel like he's here and I will see him soon. But a lot of times, I look at it, and think "were you ever here"? It's such a strange feeling.

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Boogie
I have the same feelings you guys have. It's six and a half months for me. And I still cannot believe that she is not here anymore. If I stare intently at a spot on the floor, I can see her lying there, looking at me intently. When I walk my other dog I often visualize her walking with us, and it's actually very easy to sense her with us. I feel her strongly in bed with us, too. 

I have made friends with a neighbor down the street who just got a retired seeing-eye dog....that looks the spitting image of Boogie. Only its face is not as handsome. But the size, the built, the color, the fur, the mannerisms.... I had to swallow hard the first time I went for a walk with her. Suddenly I again had my two dogs walking and running around in front of  me. It looked like Boogie but wasn't Boogie. I plan to walk with her a lot....hard as it is, it's also therapeutic for me.

But what helps me most of all is the daily writing I do in my diary to Boogie. And the steady contact I have with her mentally. And every time I say or write that I'm sad or upset that she is not here with me I hear the voice "But I'm right here with you." And a calm washes over me and I'm able to cope again.


My Boogie died on 3/25/2010. She was the best dog anybody could ask for. I will be with her again when my time comes.



A drawing of Pax by Heather Spears. She specializes in bereavement and is wonderful to work with, she understands how we feel. She can be reached at spears.heather@gmail.com
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CoopersMommy
I keep reading how people say they feel their dog's presence or sense they are with them. I don't feel that at all. Not once have I felt it. I was so close to Cooper. I felt like we could look at each other and know what we were thinking but I don't feel him with me. 

And it's been almost 6 months and I still can't look at pictures of him. I still have the ones at home and at work and that's fine but I can't sit down and go through his photos or videos. Is it normal to have a period where you can't do this or am I supposed to force myself?
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tikibarb
I don't think you should force yourself to do anything.  Everybody has a different internal grieving schedule.  No one can predict how long it will take until we can replace the tears and sadness with bittersweet memories. You will know when the time is right.  One day you will wake up and think "I should organize those pictures, or I will make a scrapbook this weekend."  You will get there.  You need to allow yourself all the time you need.   Cooper was an important part of your life for years.  You may feel sadness for some time yet.  The important part is that you feel a smidge better each day.
Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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judylinn
Coopersmommy. like Barb said, there is no time frame, it is what it is. Are you letting the grief out? or holding it in....it helps to let it out.
Feeling your furbabies presence is different for everyone. I don't actually feel maddie's presence, but she is so strong in my heart, that that is how I find her. I look inside my heart to find her.
I put all Maddie's pictures...hundreds of them....out to sort through about 2 weeks after she died. they are all over my dining room table and living room couch, and that has been since August, never could get farther than that. I see them, and look at them, but I cant do anything with them. For some, pictures are comforting, some not, for me, they show me that she had a good life, and that she knows she was loved.
Have you thought about talking to anyone about your frief? I do, and it is very helpful.
Be gentle with yourself, and patient,......Cooper was your baby, it takes a long time to heal from that deep of love. Hugs and prayers. Judy
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Leigh
CoopersMommy, I remember when I first came here and you were helping others.  How can Cooper be gone for over 5 months already?
Mary's been gone a little over 11 weeks.  Some days it seems like forever, yet some days it seems like yesterday.
I don't sense Mary being around me either.  No dreams about her.  Nothing like that.  We were like you and Cooper...we actually knew what the other was thinking.  Even my husband would ask me to translate what Mary was "saying"/thinking/barking.  Makes me wonder if she's angry that I had her put to sleep even though she was in pain.  I still talk to her and tell her, "Good night, Mare" every night. 
If there was something that could bring her back, I'd be first in line to get it.  Hmmm...do you remember in the news awhile ago the stink that was raised when those people had their cat cloned?  I thought they were nuts then, but now I realize how much they wanted their fur baby back.  How odd it would be to have the same fur baby...but not.
I looked at pictures of Mary last night to find one to post as an avatar here.  It was hard with all the memories flooding my mind.  More tears but laughter, too.  She was a silly old girl and I miss her like crazy. 
 
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CoopersMommy
Thanks everyone. Leigh - I kiss Cooper's blankie and tell him goodnight every night since he's been gone. And I don't blame anyone for wanting to clone their pet. You become so desperate to have them back, you'd try anything, even though they wouldn't be the same. 

Judy - I saw a counselor for a month. It did help but after a while, I was just saying the same things every week. 

When we first lost him, I made sure to let my grief out as I usually hold everything in. But the last month or so, I think I hold it in more. I don't tell my husband how I feel anymore. I've just been going through it alone. i don't know why. I know he feels the same. I just can't say these things out loud anymore. I love my dogs so much. Rudy and Dori are great and so much fun. But Cooper was so special. No matter how much I love them, it's not the same. Those feelings are gone. That's so sad for me. I so badly want to feel those feelings again, even if for a moment, but I can't summon them up. They're just gone, like my baby.
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judylinn

I hear the pain your in Coopersmommy,  I kiss Maddies pictures every night and morning also. You aren't alone, because we are here, and no matter how long the grieving process is. Maybe talking about it with your husband, wil bring out alot of pain. Someone last night talked to me, and they said it was easier to shre it sometimes, with strangers. How ever long it takes, we will be here to listen. Judy

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Lisasjf
Coopersmommy your words could just as well be my own. I wish I could just have one more day with my Halfie
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