xcribe
The fireworks were beginning while we were out back of the house.  I could tell Shiloh was getting nervous so we started to walk home.  I only stopped to lean a rake up against the house and took my eyes off her for just a second, when she bolted out into the road.  I was right behind her, yelling for her to stop.  She's obedience trained and always minds me, but I guess she was frightened.  Then she veered out into the lanes of traffic and I witnessed the worst imaginable.  My beautiful 10-year-old best friend, gone in the blink of an eye.  And no one would help me as I struggled to carry her home, all 60 pounds.

I had just gotten her back from being lost for a month.  Thank god for her chip.  We were just beginning Happily Ever After.  I had just bought her a pool and we even adopted a playmate for her.  Life was wonderful.

I should have taken her in the house much earlier and I never should have taken my eyes off of her for even a second.  The guilt I'm feeling and anger at myself is the only way I'm keeping it together.  I'm even angry at her for ignoring my commands to stop running.  She constantly challenged my authority.

I can't stay here in my house....she's everywhere.  I'm considering suicide because I'll never ever forgive myself for letting this happen.  My beautiful girl, my constant companion, my light and my strength.  All gone, and no one to blame but myself.

She was Shiloh, half Australian Shepherd and half Border Collie.  Everyone said she was beautiful.  I can't stop reliving the last moments of her life, over and over in my mind....
Guilty
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Vickye
Oh, I am so sorry. It is so hard to go on. I lost my precious fur baby in March and I am still very sad and lonely. It sounds like you have the new adopted playmate to go on for? 
Shiloh was so beautiful. Was she a Bermese Mountain dog?
It does get better with time. You learn to live with it. I lost a wonderful young Doberman male to the road many years ago, too. It happens.
You loved her, gave her a great life. That's all a dog can ask for.
Try to take some time to grieve. Think about all the wonderful times you had together.
Please accept my deepest sympathy.
Vicky (Cosette's mom)
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PeteyLover
Oh xcribe, your post has me in tears. Even more so that I think Shiloh is either Border Collie or Aussie and those are my breeds. I've had 4 Aussies. I lost my little boy of 16 years on May 13th and although he didn't get hit by a car, I have guilt over putting him to sleep. So let me tell you how to maybe see your loss better. I know you feel guilty, and probably nothing anyone says will change that for now. Let me tell you this. It was an accident! Unfortunately they happen in this life. The "what ifs" will drive you nuts. I'm doing the same thing. But do this for me, and forgive me because I'm typing thru tears on this, but if Shiloh was sitting in front of you, would she blame you and want her mommy to be miserable for the rest of your life? Hec no! She knew you loved her and she loved you. She wouldn't want this for you at all. I picture my Petey sitting in front of me in ghost form maybe saying " please don't be sad mommy". Uughhh, this sounds so corny, but really, think about it. We have both lost one we loved, and the situation may be different, but I to have felt like I just don't want to go on anymore. I'm tired of loosing everything I love and its loosing my Petey that pushing me over the edge. But ya know what? Petey wouldn't want me to feel like this, I know he wouldn't. Feeling that way is sometimes the only thing that keeps me from doing something stupid and I think you should think about what Shiloh would say too. I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how dark and low you must be feeling, but give it a little time to get just a little bit better. One hour at a time, one day at a time. I'm here for you.
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smkovalinsky
Oh,  how horrible!  Please know that Shiloh forgives you!  We are all of us remiss sometimes.  None of us is perfect -  we cannot see the future.  I am so, so sorry for your tragic loss.  Hold her in your heart,  and know that she knows your love covers any mishap or accident.
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dian
Xcribe, I a.m. so sorry. Please give yourself time. We make unimanigable mistakes, but you have more strength than you know. You have love to offer Shilohs playmate and that little playmate gave happiness to Shiloh and Shiloh would want you to forgive yourself, as hard as it is, and continue to love and care for her friend.And it's possible you may never forgive yourself, but you have love to offer and you sound like a wonderful mommy and I wish you strength at this most fragile time. My broken heart is with yours.
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Baileys_mum_01
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Shiloh.  Please don't blame yourself.  She had a wonderful life with you and knows how much you love her.  It is very difficult being in an empty house and my heart goes out to you. Do you have anyone at home you can talk to?  Family or friends?  Please don't feel you are alone.  Everyone here is very supportive. Please come back when you need to.  She is such a beautiful girl and I know she wouldn't want you to blame yourself.  You are in my thoughts.
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Heathernicole17025
That's terrible but please Don't take your own life. Please private me on here. I am here for you.
Heather Johnson
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