We had Kirby euthanized 4 weeks ago today. Kirby was a 12/13 year old Brittany who developed what the vets thought must be an internal abscess that formed 10-12 holes out of his groin and leg to drain. The cultures were negative and the antibiotics weren't working, he was losing control of the leg and was miserable. He wasn't in great shape so we felt we couldn't continue to put him through more on the offchance that something would change. We lost our girlie 18 months ago to cancer and our youngest dog is still with us. I am so devastated by Kirby's death, far more so than by Jenny's. I feel guilty that we didn't try more, but surgery was just not an option, both from his condition and from our finances and I do feel that more drugs would just have had him even more out of it than he already was - he was on pain meds and sedatives as well as anti-anxiety meds, so his functioning was poor. The poor little guy! He was such a funny little dog, so quirky and silly and very loving. He gave great hugs and used to come up under my arm for hugs when he was feeling anxious - which was most of the time. I miss him every day and think of him constantly as I try to make more time for Zach, who is also still grieving, so much more quiet than he used to be. People are sympathetic and those who have gone through this are so kind. My daughter is away at school and my husband, while he is grieving as well, is not very demonstrative, thus the 3 dogs, so I feel rather alone and just want to pet Zach all the time, thinking about Kirby all the while. I know it will get better, but thoughts of Jenny still make me cry 18 months later, so I think getting past Kirby's death is going to be a struggle. I think about getting another Brittany but don't want to take attention away from Zach; I don't think that would be fair to him, though the distraction would probably help us. thanks for being here to listen.