We had Kirby euthanized 4 weeks ago today.  Kirby was a 12/13 year old Brittany who developed what the vets thought must be an internal abscess that formed 10-12 holes out of his groin and leg to drain.  The cultures were negative and the antibiotics weren't working, he was losing control of the leg and was miserable.  He wasn't in great shape so we felt we couldn't continue to put him through more on the offchance that something would change.  We lost our girlie 18 months ago to cancer and our youngest dog is still with us.  I am so devastated by Kirby's death, far more so than by Jenny's.  I feel guilty that we didn't try more, but surgery was just not an option, both from his condition and from our finances and I do feel that more drugs would just have had him even more out of it than he already was - he was on pain meds and sedatives as well as anti-anxiety meds, so his functioning was poor.  The poor little guy!  He was such a funny little dog, so quirky and silly and very loving.  He gave great hugs and used to come up under my arm for hugs when he was feeling anxious - which was most of the time.  I miss him every day and think of him constantly as I try to make more time for Zach, who is also still grieving, so much more quiet than he used to be.  People are sympathetic and those who have gone through this are so kind.  My daughter is away at school and my husband, while he is grieving as well, is not very demonstrative, thus the 3 dogs, so I feel rather alone and just want to pet Zach all the time, thinking about Kirby all the while.  I know it will get better, but thoughts of Jenny still make me cry 18 months later, so I think getting past Kirby's death is going to be a struggle.  I think about getting another Brittany but don't want to take attention away from Zach; I don't think that would be fair to him, though the distraction would probably help us.  thanks for being here to listen.

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Dear Dogmom,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.  Bless you for loving Kirby so well, for doing everything in your power to keep him comfortable, and for assisting him on his journey knowing your own suffering would just begin.  That is the greatest gift of love we can give our best friends when their ailing bodies betray their joyous spirits.

I know the pain you are feeling.  Most of us here understand completely.  It was one month yesterday for my T.J. (the handsome cat in my avatar).  He was the Heart of My Heart for 16 years, 4 months and 2 weeks, almost to the minute.  Making the decision to let him go was the most difficult thing I have ever done, but I know it was the right thing to do.  He was struggling so hard to stay with us, and he deserved better than that.  He lived his life with unbounded enthusiasm and joy, and by the end, he couldn't even walk a straight line to his food. He still had his appetite, his faculties and his purr, but his body had betrayed him.  I couldn't take the chance of him suffering even for a moment.  That meant that I had to do what was best for him even though I was fully aware of the pain I would feel.  Oh! ~ the love drops are falling now, just thinking of the sorrow you feel. 

You did the same thing for Kirby.  As a dear friend of mine put it, we had to "Ring the bell" at the gates of Rainbow Bridge for them.  They loved their lives with us so much, they would have endured anything to stay.  How could we ask them to endure pain and suffering just for us?  Neither you nor I would ever have been able to live with ourselves if it had come to that.  I hope you will be able to release the guilt you feel and move on to your path to healing.

Kirby is your special angel now and forever.  He lives in spirit and in your heart, and he will never be more than a whisper away from you.  He is sending you signs, and I hope that you will soon see them and realize they are gifts from him to let you know that he is with you, and to thank you for the wonderful life he had with you.  Signs are funny, if you look for them, they vanish before your eyes.  Allow them to come to you as the little surprises they are meant to be.  They can be "in your face" experiences, or as subtle as a butterfly that lingers close to you longer than usual.  I  have had two dragonflies that accompany me in the garden during the summer for the past 6 years since we lost T.J.'s nephew, Buddy Guy.  I always knew that the two dragonflies were Buddy and Bingo, T.J.'s predecessor.  It will be interesting to see if I have three of them this summer.  Knowing T.J., though, he might just choose to flutter around me as something more colorful.  Bingo and Buddy were both gray kitties, but T.J. had the most alarmingly colorful coat (I always say he was colored in shades of brown, gold, peach and oat). 

Please stay with us and tell us stories of life with Kirby and Jenny.  I look forward to getting to know them through your loving words.

When the time is right, Kirby will guide you to someone who needs your love.  You really won't have much control over the situation.  Bingo did that for us 16 & 1/2 years ago when he guided T.J. and me to each other.  It was a match made in heaven, and I have never received a more wonderful gift.  Bingo knew my soul, and he sent Teege to me to help me heal so I could learn to love again.

You, your family, little Zach, and angels Jenny and Kirby are all in my thoughts and prayers.

My heart is battered and bruised, but I will not let it break. It holds such precious cargo, I must protect it now. (Susie Squillions)

"Memories of loved ones are like songs in our soul." Margaret Wakeley




In one of the stars, I shall be living.
In one of them, I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing when you look at the sky at night.
~ The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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(((( Kirby )))  precious little one
my love flows up to you.

Dearest Kirby's mom,  I'm so sorry for the loss of your
precious Kirby.  This is your baby, your child.
Kirby is in the arms of an angel.
If you could see this beautiful place where they all
live now you would just stand in awe.
Kirby lives on, never to be sick again, forever healthy.
I know it's hard and there are no words that can
help take away that gut , heart awful pain.
But know that you are not alone and there are angels
here that know and understand.
Understand just how special your darling Kirby is.

My heart and thoughts are with you.
My your darling sprinkle his Angel dust upon you.

(((Kirby ))))  we love you little darling  xoxoxoxoxoxo
Tonya Mesha Gails mommy Babies and Maggie Mae's too at the bridge
Mommy to living baby Kit Kat AND as of 7/14/2010 Cotton (puppy)
For the love of our babies
They are the reason
Forever and Always Forever and a Day
Oh what a love is the love of our babies
A love like no other. Love drops fall

MY PRECIOUS SWEET GIRL Mesha Gail My Very Heart and your Shane's too

REMEMBERING MERCY xoxoxox oh what a love.

REMBERING MAX passed 12/1/2009 xoxoxox We love you MAX xoxoxo
Shane and I love you.

My true register date is Jan. 2006 ****** it took me that long before I cold talk about my loss.
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well, here we are, another month since Kirby's death.  Things are better, my daughter's home from college so I have my baby here.  Zach seems to have gotten adjusted to Kirby's not being here, but he sure has changed - much quieter, easier going, wants to sleep on our bed, which he never did before - Kirby slept with us.  Still miss him so much, think about him, especially in the mornings - he would be so sweet, pulling himself up to us for a pet before we all got up, wagging the butt and smiling at us.  I miss his talking like an Ewok and doing his creaking door noises.  And of course, the happy dance.  We both look at the Brittany rescue site, but know it's not a good idea.  Still cry sometimes, don't dream about him yet, have his picture up on my wall at work.  RIP.

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