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Runningman66
Patch_Mom wrote:
Runningman, I too have very dark circles, puffy bags, and my skin on my cheeks is discolored and at times almost rawish from crying now 114 days.  I'm so tired each day trying to get through work not sleeping. I completely know what you mean and are going through. Completely understand!!

Have you by chance read the book Daisy's Mum and I are chatting about, Only Gone from Your Site with Jack McAfghan?  I highly recommend it. It has helped me a great deal, so much so that I've highlighted and taken notes in it.  
Patch_mom
Would you believe I’m on the chapter called Dreams.Was reading it in the garden yesterday but had to put it down as it was making me cry but I’ve just ordered the first book from Kate McGahan titled Return From Rainbow Bridge and probably will buy her other two books.A must for anyone suffering from pet loss but just have the tissues ready as they a very emotional to read.I even met a dog walker on my lone run this morning who I had not seen for about 6 months and she asked where was Coco and as I explained to her about his illness she reassured me I did the best thing but what made me cry once again was what she said that it was strange seeing me without him by my side.Something I’m going to have to try and get used to.
Love Runningman xx
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Patch_Mom
Runningman I know!!! Have the tissues ready for sure but I found so helpful.  I could not and still have to read the chapter on Acceptance. That is one I've picked up a few times and put down. I have not read her other books yet but plan to as well.  I'm so glad you agree - tell me how the other books are as it sounds like you'll get to the first one before me.  

Yes it's so hard when they're not by our sides- they are part of our identity which is another thing we lose.  And yes, you did the right thing. We always wonder, but I have no doubt it's the best gift we can give them. I wish I could've done the same for my own mother, that's how much I believe. I'm in the camp of 'a day, week, or month too soon is better than a day too late'. 

Wishing you a day of beautiful Coco memories today that bring a smile to your face. 
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Runningman66
Yes Patch_mom we expect them to live for longer or at least I do as I feel my boy at not even reaching 10 was robbed of a few more years especially when I see how many other dogs on here live for but maybe I’m just being bitter and resentful but on the other hand I’m thankful for them years as some owners on here have lost their pets at much younger years.Why are their lives to us so short😢

Take care Patch_mom
Love Runningman xx
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chilover
Patch_Mom 

You certainly did all that you could for your boy, without a doubt. It's very common to wonder whether we would have had more time with our babies had we chosen a different option. I know that with kidney disease it affects their appetite & it did Daisy's in the end, but mostly her appetite was great because of the steroids she was taking..

Grief is so very powerful & such an awful thing because it has us thinking the very worst of ourselves & I think it even plays tricks on the mind.

I've written some posts about my Daisy's illness if you would like to read them . 2018 I rushed her into the vet in an emergency as she didn't want to walk, started to pant & was absolutely listless, as though she had suffered a stroke. She was very weak! Through a basic physical examination the vet thought that it was possibly a brain tumour. I begged him to do bloods and his reply - I don't think there would be much point! How arrogant of him. I thought to myself, you are supposed to care for sick animals & I knew that the 1st thing a vet is supposed to do is blood work!,He only give me the option of an MRI scan but I was determined to get her bloods first & would be asking another vet.  So he sent me away with 'steroids'as he said if will make her feel better within herself & take down any swelling ( if there was any. )  In addition to that she did have arthritis too & I was informed that steroids also help with joint problems. Soon after she picked up & started to eat again! I brought her back for a check up 1 week later & this time I requested Daisy to be seen by my 'prefered vet'. I told him what the other vet said & straight away he said 'we will run some blood tests. ( finally!) Good job too as the very next morning he left a message to go in asap as the results were concerning. When I got there he wasn't on his shift so I saw someone else & was informed that my baby had kidney failure but they didn't know what stage, she just said to me 'you know what this means?! She explained in some detail about the disease & how they can help manage it & maybe slow it down but obviously it is irreversible. She also had an infection & was given antibiotics & was also prescribed prescription food & the phosphorus binder 'Ipakatine' because her levels were sky high! I was informed that most cats & dogs don't like the prescription food, but because Daisy was on steroids (which helps increase their appetite) she ate it, so both her bloods & her weight remained stable for a whole year until she went downhill at the end & her health declined.

She picked up so quickly when she first started the prescription diet & Ipakatine & it worked wonders for her, & when her next bloodwork was done her levels came down & I was told that they were almost back to normal, I thought '- my little dog is a trooper'! although for some reason she always remained a little anemic. He advised me to give her something rich in iron & I used to give her a little joint paste too , but because of her kidney issue it always would have been a double edged sword. I always followed my vet's advice & took her in every month & saw the same vet of my choice for routine check ups & bloodwork for a whole year & he always gave her a physical examination & her heart was always ok. After she was first diagnosed she lived for 1 year!

On her last visit (after she went downhill) I said to my vet 'could I not give her some fluids at home'?  I just wanted to fight for her & was desperate, & wondered if it was possible, whether she could be saved if I tried another option/plan.- I could tell by his face that it wouldn't have been fair on her & he said - 'you could, but it would mean poking & prodding her like a pin cushion & there would be a bit blood. She just became so weak & lost weight very quickly. I had 2 voices in my head & one was telling me ' fight for her, don't give up, and the other 'her quality of life is affected & she's too poorly, let her go with dignity. I was torn up & for so long I kept on having those dreaded thoughts that so many of us have 'did I do it too early, did I do it too late.  Basically my vet encouraged me to let her go ( make the right decision) & that bit of encouragement to make that decision was what I needed because I was so numb. He helped Daisy along.  So I booked the appointment & that day has been the most difficult day of my life! They took her into another room to put the catheter in her paw and I can't even remember whether they said they were giving her that first injection ( the one to sedate them ). She was already so weak so maybe she didn't need it,  they brought her back into the room swaddled in a big thick towel like a baby & she only had the one injection in front of me 'in my arms' I didn't know until after she passed that if they have kidney failure they should have their blood pressure tested & I dont know why he didn't test hers. He listened to her heart/lungs with a stethescope which were always fine, maybe due to that he didn't think it was needed, I'll never know. She was never put on IV fluids either when 1st diagnosed & I'll never know why. At least she picked up on the treatment plan she was offered & I am grateful that I had that extra year with her..I miss her so desperately. 

Patch certainly had a wonderful life & by what you wrote he lived life to the full & was surrounded by love. I am happy that he had you in his life & that you had him.
 

Your little Chihuahua Sam sounds lovely too.
You are in my prayers 
Daisy's mummy 
Angelina 
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Patch_Mom
Thank you so much chilover/ Angelina for sharing your story about Daisy.  I 100% understand what you said about the two voices - it is so hard because we want them to remain with us, but don't want to be selfish.  It sounds like your preferred vet helped you along with the decision.  My Vet offered the option of the fluids at home, but he too made a comment about the poking and prodding which helped in my decision as well.  I think for that age - we made the right decision for our babies.  As you said, its not irreversible either.  I'm so glad to hear Daisy was able to make it another year - while I know it's not long enough, it is encouraging for others.  I'm upset that my Vet did not take the elevated values more seriously and prescribe the medication you suggested and altered diet.  Patch's cardiologist recommended 'Azodyl' which I began to give him, but then upon seeing my Vet, he advised it was more like a placebo effect type drug - up to me if I wanted to give it.  Because he was on heart, joint, and arthritis meds, I opted not to continue since it was one more thing and my Vet did not seem to endorse it.  That voice in my head said I should give it and I did not listen and will FOREVER regret it.  Your information is helpful and I hope that people with dogs who have kidney disease read this and your posts to help them question their Vets.  

Thank you again....Daisy certainly had a wonderful, loving Mummy who did all she could to protect, care for her, and give her the best life possible.  What a lucky little girl to have you as her Mummy!

Jennifer
Patch's Mom 
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Patch_Mom
Runningman - you were robbed - you have every right to feel bitter about it too.  I feel guilty seeing others post who did not have nearly enough time with their babies that I did.  Many are far, far younger.  I lost both my parents in my early 30's and friends who still have theirs in our mid 40's - while I would not want anything to happen to them, I feel bitter at times too.  It's just how we feel and that is perfectly ok.  I still feel like I didn't have enough time.  The truth is, it's just unfair their lives are not as long as ours. 
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