BeagleMama
Shiloh was first diagnosed on 2/1/16 supposedly with a "simple" case of Ringworm then a couple weeks later found out he had a severe bacterial infection of his skin (3 strains of Bacteria).  All the time this was going on, he was loosing muscle, fat and weight.  Eventually he stopped eating altogether but drinking well.  On 3/5/16 he was found to have an enlarged liver as well as fluid around his lungs - he looked emaciated.  I have been involved with dogs for years - I got Shiloh at 8 weeks and when he died he was almost 13 years.  During his lifetime he earned his Canine Good Citizen standing, was a registered therapy dog as well as a Reading Education Assistance Dog - all with me handling him.  Shiloh loved performing the tricks I had taught him.  I had had dogs in my life for most of my years but Shiloh was the first that I accomplished  anything like this.  I had progressively done more reading and research over the years in animal behavior and health.  Finally, on 3/8/16 we went to the animal health center at Kansas State University for more xrays, complete blood work and an ultrasound - result of this workup = metastatic neoplasia with nodules in his liver and spleen, enlarged adrenal gland as well as enlargement of several lymph nodes, fluid around lungs and increased kidney blood count.  Finally, it took Shiloh looking at me with pleading eyes that night to help him feel better-
it took that to finally convince me that he was not going to get better and that it was up to me to do something to end his pain and suffering.  I did finally on the afternoon of March 9,2016.

So do I have guilt - you bet I do!  Am I angry at myself - you bet I am!  I should have seen the signs, should have recognized those signs, especially when he was not getting any better.  I worked for years in human medical records - I had read over and over what a high white blood cell count often meant especially coupled with an enlargement of a major internal organ such as the liver.  But for some reason the delusional part of me took over and I thought Shiloh would get better - and now he is gone.

This is one of my fav pics of Shiloh in his tux.
ShilohTux.jpg 

I need to stop for now.

Kim
my blog -  http://beagle-home.blogspot.com/ 
               (Team Beaglebratz with Lady Shasta)

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BeagleMama
I keep waiting for him to come home - to greet me at the door - to be with me and Shasta (his team mate/sister/niece) again. But I know - I have been here before - I have had to say goodbye to other dogs in my life.  It's not going to happen - where is my delusional thinking now?  Why can't I have a delusion of him running in the backyard - baying at the "wabbit", coming in the backdoor and snarfing down his dinner.
Kim
my blog -  http://beagle-home.blogspot.com/ 
               (Team Beaglebratz with Lady Shasta)

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winstonsmom12
Kim   I didn't see the signs either.  I feel the exact guilt and anger you feel.  I saw Winston slowing down a lot.  He had a constant cough, that I attributed to small bits of dog food getting stuck, or a cold. I changed food to larger chunks.  He was drinking water by the gallons.  I took him to the vet 3 times in 2 weeks. For various problems such as his breathing, cough and he somehow sprained his left shoulder.  I couldn't afford the testing though.  And the vet said he wouldn't reccomend putting him under anasthesia because of his age and breathing for the tests. He got very stressed whenever i took him to the vet.

I was blind, and in denial.  But then he looked so disorientated, and weak and he collapsed once, I knew he was sicker than I thought.  Winston was a 12 yr old Bulldog.  I had to carry him into bed and up the stairs ...etc. I knew it was time. He passed on 3/2/16.  I still have many questions, along with my guilt and self loathing.  I know I did the right thing by him.  But that doesnt stop my guilt or anger either. Don't blame yourself at all.  You did all the testing and you knew there was nothing else to be done.  They both are out of suffering,  and playing together with all the other babies from this site.  God Bless  XO

 

Susan
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