smkovalinsky
I guess I was unrealistic to think I would be feeling better at 3 weeks;  I actually feel worse,  because I miss my dog so much, in so many ways,  and it sinks in hour by hour.  He was my shadow,  my right arm for nearly 12 years.  I feel amputated.  :-(

And all the pangs of guilt:  Memories of times I was too busy for him;  too distracted;  or would get angry if he was barking on the deck.  I would gladly hear him bark all day now.  I miss him so.....

Today I read an article online about a wealthy couple:  A few years ago their yellow Labrador dog died,  and they saved his DNA and paid $155,000.00 to have him cloned.  So now they have him exactly,  down to every trait, marking,  defect.....but without the memories,  is it really the same dog?  In any case,  I want my dog back. :-(
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MicheleD
I am so sorry for your loss.  My husband feel this way too; we had to put our beloved Hayley down at 12 1/2 years old due to lymphoma.  We have our good days and our bad days, but my husband is taking it worse since she was his baby.  Please try not to feel so guilty; I'm sure your dog had more love in 12 years than most animals ever get.  I hope that you heal soon and can only smile when you think of her.

Michele
Michele
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Mistysmama
I am truly sorry you are going through this. It is really awful pain.
And no matter how we have loved them, there are always regrets. I regret one evening (quite some time before Misty passed -maybe a year) when she was annoying me. Misty and I had the most happy peaceful life and never EVER clashed.....well that night we did clash. I was trying to work on the computer -doing ebay listings to make us some money, was over-tired, and frustrated. She kept wriggling onto my lap so I couldn't type. Again and again I gently but firmly asked her to stay on her side of the bed, and she kept doing it. I suddenly got angry. I didn't say a thing to her, because something would not let me do that, but I said the "F" word (which she hated and I never said) and got up, and stormed out of the room slamming the door! After 2 minutes I had calmed down, knew I was too tired to be working, and felt sorry for what I'd done. I went back in the room, and Misty was trembling. I had never seen her like that with me, and I had never ever been angry in her presence, and I couldn't let that be. I went to her and held her, said sorry, told her I would not ever scare her like that again. She burrowed her face into my arms and we curled up together and I just kissed her and held her. I couldn't believe I had let stupid stuff come between us, and hurt her even for 2 minutes.
Those things are the things I rescued her from!
That incident -completely forgotten by Misty, even an hour after the event, and certainly now -came back to haunt me. It seems all our failings come back to haunt us when a loved one passes. Each time I have been bereaved, I get the same -my deeds under a magnifying-glass in my own Soul.
I think it's because we go through a version of a "life-review" ourselves after someone we have loved has passed. It seems that way from my experiences.
But what I do know is love melts it all away. The heart is weighed, and on the scales is love versus our mistakes. I sense that in most cases, the love far outweighs the mis-deeds. And it seems to be the thing that matters most to them after they have gone.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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smkovalinsky
Thank you so much,  Michele.  Most appreciated.  I hope you and your husband can have more and more good days.
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heartsick
Three weeks is still the very beginning of raw searing pain of grief. I was a complete mess. It was only 3 weeks after my Bear left that I found this forum. If you read the first pages of my threads you will see the complete mess I was in.
Believe me if I had the $100,000.00 I would have had had Bear cloned and taken how ever many pups resulted from the pregnancy. Just to look in those eyes again and to hug him and catch his scent and feel his soul - I would have given anything. Then the truth of grief begins to come in again and we learn to live our lives through it. It usually takes a full year of all of the "firsts" without them to even try and be able to learn a new life with smiles of memories coming more and more and closer and closer together.
You are in my thoughts.
Susan
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smkovalinsky
Thank you so much,  Susan.  It really is appreciated.
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maddy79
If I had the knowledge I would have saved her DNA and if I had the money I would have cloned her too. It may sound terrible, but aren't we all just information? Oh, to see her again would be priceless. I think any pet parent who lost a dear baby has thought about this on some level...
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Clairemitts
I've been away from this forum for a few days because it was getting so hard. I just needed a distraction. I find myself worrying that I'll start to forget certain characteristics about Mittens. I've been still saying hello to him when I return home and I say good night as well. Sometimes I forget and it makes me feel terrible.

Tonya
Mittens' mommy
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smkovalinsky
Maddy:  Yes,  if I were wealthy I would have done this.  I cannot bear being without him.

Tonya:  I am doing as you are:  I keep saying "hi"  to him when I pass his bed ( I refuse to put it away)  and do not WANT EVER to forget him.  To me,  he had become one of the best parts of me.  I feel I have lost myself.   I know just how you are feeling.  The other day the doorbell rang,  and the silence (instead of his barking )  was horrible.  
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ashindi
I know exactly how you feel, all those times yelling at her for barking and digging holes in the garden, I too would give anything to hear that bark again. I felt the same way when my mother passed 3 years ago overwhelming guilt, always too busy to visit then it was too late. The pain has gone from losing my mother and I know it will for my baby. Just hang in there and give yourself time to heal, everyone grieves in their own way
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