It's been three months and the guilt of letting Gracie go is too much and I don't know how to let it go . She was 16 yrs old, and each day I miss her more. 
Let me start with I live in a small town in California, about 20K people. We really only have 2 I had a bad experience /problem with and won't go back too.
So my go to regular Vet has been taking care of Gracie, and my other dogs for years. Last few months of Gracie's life she started having seizures, plus dementia...I took her to my Vet.. because the day before   she had a seizure that was very bad...and asked my Vet if it was Gracie's time to go? She(Vet) asked me if " I " was ready to let her (Gracie) go? Of course I wasn't. Fast forward next few weeks and Gracie  seizures came back. I was ready to let her go.I was crying everyday because I KNEW I was watching her slowly dying...and it was like I was feeling her pain. I was having chest pains (grief) I called to set up an appointment on Thursday(I was ready) and found out my Vet was on vacation...but that they would have another Vet to in fill in on the next Monday. So I waited hoping that Gracie might go peacefully in her sleep over the weekend...but Monday came and her breathing got worse....she couldn't breath out of her nose. so I made the choice that I would take her in on Monday. The new Vet asked my husband and I if we both agreed that it was time .We both said yes. The Vet checked her out, said she was running a fever, also her stomach was swollen and hard, he suspected cancer. Gracie also had a lump on her belly. The Vet commented to us knowing Gracie was bad... that they could fix one thing but then like the wheels on a bus …fix one and another one would fall off. ..basically saying it was time, and that she had a good long life. 
I made the choice of letting my sweetie "Gracie" go. I feel so cold now because I made the choice, I made the appt. with the Vet. It was my decision.  She stopped eating, the last few days, and  I tried to hand feed her. She couldn't hardly walk we had to pick her up to take her outside At times when she was on the couch with was hard for her to even hold her head up.

Since all this... I found and checked out the Quality of Life Scale, thought I'd post a link..and Gracie's score was so low...I just hope she's at peace.
"I'm so sorry that we are all going through this loss...but I'm so thankful for all of you and your support"

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Mo, you sounded like you did your all for your Gracie, and you were living "thru her" and must have known she was in alot of pain.

Three months is still not a long time with grieving, I know I had so much guilt and spend countless hours on the computer looking things up and going thru my vet records and wondering how I could have extended the lives of my pets who went to heaven. I think we all go thru this phase. The grieving path includes "guilt".

The quality of life of your Gracie was deteriorating, and you somehow knew in your gut that it was "time".....again no one ever wants to face the pain of knowing that time, the end of life, it is one of the hardest decision we have to make.

Please know you were Gracies guardian and made decisions for her, and with bringing her to the vet and you too knowing that her health was going downhill, you did the right thing. Again, not one of us ever plans or wants to end our pets pain, but sometimes that dreaded decision does have to be made.

As for the quality of life scale too, that is a good thing to go by, even though I could be in denial that there health is really going downhill, I do know that all my pets Jemma, Munki and Daizy all "stopped eating" and they also lost their "mobility"...and even though my babies loved life....I knew they were in alot of "pain".

I know this grieving path is a long, hard road to be on, with so many meltdowns and questioning our decisions....please know you are not alone and that your Gracie loves YOU and she is your guardian angel now and forever....til you meet again.


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I have never had to make that decision but can only imagine how difficult it must be not only to make it but to live with the guilt of having to do it. I say guilt because no matter how our babies go, somehow we all blame ourselves somehow. You did what you had to for your baby because you love her and did not want to see her suffer any longer. Gracie knows you love her and did the kindest thing you could ever do for her, let her go and free her of her pain.

the last battle.jpg 
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My dear Mo,
My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Gracie. "The Last Battle" posted by MALcindor is a good poem for you to read and take to heart. You had to let Gracie go because you loved her too much to let her suffer. It really is just that simple. However grief can twist the reality so that we are angry at ourselves because sometimes that anger feels better than feeling the unbearable loss. You did the right thing for your dear girl. You put her needs first. Take care!
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Mo wrote:

Since all this... I found and checked out the Quality of Life Scale, thought I'd post a link..and Gracie's score was so low...I just hope she's at peace.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Gracie, Mo.  I lost my 16yo kitty "Mistletoe" almost 5 days ago... so my grief is fresh too.

I have to tell you that I don't buy in to all the "quality of life" philosophy.  You kept Gracie alive as long as you felt there was hope.... and when all hope was gone you did the heroic thing for her.  I don't believe she passed away one moment too soon or one moment too late.  And she felt your love the entire time.

Rest easy in knowing that Gracie IS at peace.  No more pain, no more seizures, no more discomfort.  And you WILL see her again, when the time comes.

Gracie and Mistletoe are free now.  I am an older woman and sometimes I wish I was too.  I will be... when it's my time as well.  Until then, my Mistletoe is still with me in spirit and in love.  I can feel him everywhere in this house!!!

They never live long enough....
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Cam …Marlen …Sam, and Andrea ..I want to thank you for your replies

Thank you all for your kind words, they have touched my heart, and I shed a tear or two. No worries they were good tears.

I love "The Last Battle" … Thank you Marlen
Andrea. I'm so sorry for the loss of Mistletoe    Bless your heart

"I'm so sorry that we are all going through this loss...but I'm so thankful for all of you and your support"
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