Mouflesmama
Next week marks 2 years since I held my baby girl Moufle in my lap. I know it sounds strange but in some ways I cannot move on. I am wracked with guilt about her last days, and minutes, and all of the things I did that I should have done differently. You see, I have lived alone most of my life and Moufle was my only companion. I have never had another pet, or relationship that lasted as long as ours did. She was 19 when she died.

I knew of course that she would die one day. In my daydreams I held her on my chest and said goodbye and thanked her for her love. However in reality I had her in her carrier as we sat in the vet's waiting to be called back to see the test results. When he showed me the xray with her little body full of tumors, I asked for the shot right then. I took her out of the box, placed her on my lap and Boom - she was gone in an instant. Immediately I said Wait! Wait! I have to say goodbye!! And it was too late.

This past Saturday night I cried for hours, holding the box with her ashes. I tell her all the time how sorry I am that I did not honor her before giving her the shot. I am so upset that I did that. I can't seem to move on from the guilt. For that one day and for the 2 weeks prior, and for the times I got angry with her, etc.

I miss her so much but I'm just not ready to get another cat. I crave companionship, and part of me knows that by providing a home for a shelter cat I would be giving it a loving life. Moufle was born to a feral cat on our property, she was wild but I took her in when she was just a kitten. We were inseparable. I miss her so much..

Would getting a new kitty help me to get over Moufle? I do know that crying every now and again is OK, but this past weekend it was really hard. Just wondering if anyone else has found that getting a new pet helped "replace" the empty space that the old one left. Of course, I know that if I do get another, that I will go through this again. Not sure I can face that again. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Thank you for listening, I know I'm not the only one grieving, and pray for everyone else here as well.

Cathy
“If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever”
~Winnie the Pooh
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Graceful
Mouflesmama wrote:
This past Saturday night I cried for hours, holding the box with her ashes. I tell her all the time how sorry I am that I did not honor her before giving her the shot. I am so upset that I did that. I can't seem to move on from the guilt. For that one day and for the 2 weeks prior, and for the times I got angry with her, etc.

I miss her so much but I'm just not ready to get another cat. I crave companionship, and part of me knows that by providing a home for a shelter cat I would be giving it a loving life.

Would getting a new kitty help me to get over Moufle? I do know that crying every now and again is OK, but this past weekend it was really hard. Just wondering if anyone else has found that getting a new pet helped "replace" the empty space that the old one left. Of course, I know that if I do get another, that I will go through this again. Not sure I can face that again. It was the hardest thing I've ever done.

Thank you for listening, I know I'm not the only one grieving, and pray for everyone else here as well.



Hello Cathy,

First, I am very sorry for your loss of Moufle and the sorrow you continue to endure.   Please don't be so hard on yourself with regard to the length of time it is taking you to deal with the absence of someone you loved dearly. 

I would suggest, however, that you remove the term "move on" but rather use "come to terms with" when you think about how you feel.   If we try to "move on" that implies that we move away from or leave something in the past, when that is entirely impossible as it pertains to a deep loss in life.   But when we at least "come to terms with a loss" that implies that perhaps, we have made peace in some way, or at least, can navigate our world and our emotions so that we can have a life where we can celebrate and know happiness once again.

The reason to get a new kitty would not be to "get over" Moufle; again, please try saying, "getting a new kitty would enrich my life" and remember that your life is something to appreciate and fill with meaningful experiences.  That is up to you.  To stand still and "wait" to be ready may never happen; after two years, you may be more ready than you think to just jump in with two feet.   Do you know what I mean?  Maybe you just need that little push, and you are asking us for it, so here you go, Cathy ...!  I am giving you a little nudge in that direction. 

Also, again, remove the word "replace" as it is not applicable; try using the word "enrich" or "fill" and see how that makes you feel.   "Would getting a new pet "fill" the empty space or "enrich" or "bring love" or ...?   Do you feel differently when you say those words and leave "replace" out of the equation, b/c the truth is, there's no replacement for anyone in our lives ... but we are here to make new friends, new loves, and new companions our entire lives.  There is no boundary on that. 

And yes, I lost one of the great loves of my life a few years ago, and similar to you, I waited quite a while, until one day, I was bursting to bring some new love into my life.  I went to a pet adoption day and adopted two kitties (I highly recommend adopting two, BTW) and while I was a bit nervous as to how much I could love them, it was so, so easy, it really was.    I *never* once thought in terms of replacement, they opened a new chapter and a new door.    I am here now, in fact, because one of those "new" kitties, whose name was Twirlie who died on December 30th, became one of the truest, dearest, most beloved little darlings I have ever known.   And I miss him something awful.

Cathy, I hope this gives you some food for thought.  Make peace with what happened, forgive yourself as best you can, and go forward in good faith.   There is no reason for you to be alone when you already know that you have a huge capacity to love a kitty (or two), so why delay when there is so much happiness to be found if you just have faith in yourself and your own generosity of spirit. 
Take care, and I wish you all the best as you decide what to do.
In friendship,
Grace xo

"Now that the time has come
 Soon gone is the day,
 There upon some distant shore
 You will hear me say,
 Long as the day in the summer time
 Deep as the wine-dark sea,
 I'll keep your heart with mine
 Till you come to me"  (LM)

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Missingher
I understand what you are so stuck on that moment. But I ask you if you really think it would of been like you daydreamed had you done it differently? It's easy to imagine something when we aren't actually faced with it. I had to put my dog down last September and for quite awhile I struggled with the painful memory of how it all went down. Should I of waited, hugged her harder, said something more? But the outcome is still that it was their time and we needed to be selfless and let them go. You had 19 years with your kitty, I know she knew she was loved. I think you acted with nothing but love when you knew she would be in pain and wanted to put an end to it as quickly as possible even though that left you with all this pain. Would you want another 10 minutes with her to say these things if you knew she would be in pain all those minutes? You did right by her. Go easy on yourself.
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Dalidog
Mouflesmama..   Only you know when/if it is time to bring a new animal into your home.  The love you have for your furangel is obvious.  Two years may/may not be enough time.  Some people accept or come to term with things in a week, others a lifetime.  You were so fortunate to have your baby as long as you did.  She lived such a long life and I know she gave you the unconditional love our animals do, they know nothing else.  They are truly God sent.

It has been 5 months since my girl left suddenly at 12 1/2 and I still feel like it is yesterday.  I still cry and mourn and honor her in every way possible.  It may take me 5 years or the rest of my life to "accept" this new reality.  I don't know yet.  I just know I miss her terribly and don't want another animal.  Others feel differently.

Take care of yourself and only you know if you are ready.  Don't let others tell you it is time or that enough time has passed.  It is relevant to you only.  Take care...my thoughts and prayers are with you and your Moufle.....  Dalismom

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Beesmom123
Cathy
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Moufle
. You gave her a wonderful life for so many years please try not to dwell on the last few days or weeks. You loved her enough to let her go and free her from further suffering. I think we act instinctively in these moments of crisis and do what is best for our beloved companions

As far as adopting, I think you'll know when the time is right for a new friend
I lost my soulmate 18 weeks ago and he is and always will be my #1
At this point I couldn't consider another cat , because I have yet to come to terms and acceptance with my Byron being gone
I also have two other senior cats who need and deserve my full attention at this time in their lives

I wish you peace and healing in the coming days
Take Care,
Diana and her better half, Byron
Bee- "Good night sweet prince & flights of angels see thee to thy rest"
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patent123
I can relate to your feelings A LOT.  My dog passed 09/11/14 so recently.  Like you I felt like I didn't really honor her or cherish our last moments together.  My girl had a back injury and became paralyzed.  I was in such a rush to put her to sleep because I hated seeing her in that state.  Looking back though I wish I had enjoyed one more night together just the two of us.  I try and remind myself that we spent years together as friends...that has to be enough.  I try not to focus on the ending (as hard as that is) BUT ultimately we did give our loved ones a gift they needed...peace. 

I was really lonely for a companion as well.  Our house was so dead inside just a hallow shell.  I considered getting another dog but was fighting on whether or not it was the right time.  In the end I was surprised with a puppy from my mom.  All I can say to you is this do not rush it.  I still have not developed any friendship with our new dog.  I love him and he is here to stay but we haven't developed a relationship yet which I feel terribly about.  If you feel you are ready then I say start the process of looking for another cat.  Your just looking after all not committing to one.  If the process of looking becomes to overwhelming then stop and revisit the idea in a couple months.  When you meet the right cat you will know its time trust me.  

Getting another pet can be hard.  You have to remind yourself they aren't replacing the one you lost.  Its a whole new friendship being made one thats special in its own way.  
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Mouflesmama
Bless all of you for taking the time to write. Just reading your posts makes me feel not so alone. And thank you also for your perspectives, and Grace for your "step by step" instructions. I do see what you mean, that I have the capacity to love another without taking the love away from Moufle.

This past year I have been to the shelter and to the adoption fairs, and have fallen for a couple of kitties and talked myself out of it. But I also see how cold it is outside right now in Tacoma, and if I could rescue a kitty and give it a warm home that would make me (and Moufle too) very happy. Yes 2 kitties is what I am thinking, so they can have each other for company when I am at work.

Thanks also to those who shared your last moments and how you also struggled. My heart goes out to you because I know how it feels.

I'm doing better today, her anniversary date is coming up next week and it will be hard. I'll come back here and read these again, and offer my condolences to others here. Maybe that's the learning I need, that love is infinite and I'm allowed to give as much as I want without limit.

Thank you all again, so much. Bless you.
Cathy
“If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever”
~Winnie the Pooh
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