Mackysmum
It's 2 weeks today I had to make the hardest decision of my life , to put mackys wellbeing before mine and let him rest easy .
The last 2 weeks have been so hard I never thought I'd make it to 2 weeks , to be honest it feels longer that mackys been gone not sure how long it feels but it feels to long .
I hope he hears me when i talk to him and knows why I did what I did
15 and 5 months he was by my side we did everything together I always thought of him , time feels stuck like there's no future, how can there be when mackys not in it ?.
The connection we had was real he touched my heart like I didn't think was possible and sadly I only truly knew now just how much he stole my heart .
The last year or so was quiet stressful dealing with family problems on top of trying my absolute hardest to do the right thing by him , i gave up every thing to be his rock and I would do it all again if I had the chance , i wish I could do it all again .
I'm very happy that mackys no longer in pain or that he has to struggle to walk , that last horrible scary stressful week of his life was my time to make that terrible hard decision , everyday i thought about calling the vets but couldn't as i felt ill wait to see if he makes some improvement.
But sadly the last 48 hours he couldn't even stand long enough to do a poo that was my sign that it was his time .
I didn't feel real waiting for the vet i felt like it was all fake as if it was some play , only when you were gone was when it hit me and I panicked cause you were so still , i wanted you back then I needed the vet to bring you back .
I felt insane cause it hurt so bad .
I love you my boy always will you were my best friend so loyal you were only happy to see me cause i was your one and only
Thank you for loving me my sweet macky moo πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

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phalaris14
 I am so sorry for your loss. What I am about to tell you will not lessen the pain; only time can do that. I can tell you to come to this site often. Share your thoughts, fears, guilt, anger and despair. Read what others have to say. Trust me.....  many here have experienced the same thing you are going through right now. Scream and sob... yell out to the sky and tell Macky how much you miss and love him. Do whatever you wish... there are no wrong answers. All of the feelings, and yes -even the numbness- are a natural part of the mourning process. My prayers are with you during this difficult period.
                                                                    Bret
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catiebee
I know the pain is just awful. I hate that you're going through this and my heart goes out to you. As Bret suggested, keep expressing your heartache in every way possible. I hope the sharpest edges of the pain ease for you soon.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Mackysmum
Thanks Bert and catiebee
I'm feeling a bit better today for some reason not sad im gettimg days were it is ok then I go backwards
I hate the good days because I feel ill forget macky impossible though .
I just feel guilt when i have a good day guess it shows i love him tons.
It's still quiet hard to get my head around him not being here that its final .
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Mackysmum
Spoke to soon im having a bad afternoon and night i feel sad and a darkness is all around me it's a rollercoaster of different emotions for me
Feeling lonely
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catiebee
It's very hard.  Something none of us signed up for and the grief takes our emotions for such a bad ride. 

I'm so sorry for your pain and sadness. It is normal, but I wish you didn't have to go through this. I wish you comfort, Mackysmum. Hugs to you!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Mackysmum
Thank you very much it helps to have support
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Sampson
Dear Mackysmum, Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Mackey. I too had to make that hardest of decisions. It's never easy and I feel your pain reading through your post. Hold on to the wonderful memories and I agree with Bret, let the pain out. Do whatever will help you through this sad time my dear. Take Care,
Sam
I just edited my post to say what a handsome looking dog with a very kind face!
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Mackysmum
Thank you Sam
Your reply means alot
And Thank you he is a handsome boy very smart pooch he was , he use to bark along with me when we sang a song he knew or if he wanted sweet tea he would make the most demanding of sounds.
I talk to macky every day a few times a day and it makes me feel hes close to me , nothings the same anymore but I try hard to think if the future but that's quiet hard right now .
Thank you for replying to my post
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catiebee
Oh that must have been so much fun and comical, too, for him to bark with you like that!  And a tea-drinking fellow? I never heard of that. He must have really loved it, to insist on it that way.

Two weeks is still a short time, though when you're in pain, it can feel long!  I hope these tough times start to ease for you.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Mackysmum
Hi catie
How are you today ?
I hope we both get better days
Yes macky loved sweet tea it was really funny he watch me drunk my tea untill i gave in and gave him the rest . He just knew every time when i had tea lol , he certainly was a funny boy he had a massive personality, see he was Australian Red Cattle dog with something else mixed , but he had alot of the traits of a Australian Red Cattle dog , very intelligent.
He ruled the house he was quite bossy as he got older but we all love him to death and wouldn't change him what so ever.
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