It has been 2 months since I last held my little girl in my arms. I have never been apart from her for this long in the last 10 years. This year will be a challenge to get through. There will be so many firsts without Luc Luc (pronounced "loose loose"). Physical parts of her are disappearing and there's not much left. The last few appointments and medication reminders for Lucy have passed and now the only thing regarding Lucy in the 2015 planner will be her birthday and the day she died. I have become somewhat numb. It is a weird phenomenon; some days I get by with just a few tears shed while others I hit rock bottom and panic at the thought of her absence. I agree with what others have said about just surviving. Right now I'm just here. I exist and I try to be a good mom and wife, but I lack motivation to be involved with the world. I'm not myself anymore. I miss my silly girl, my sidekick, my cuddle buddy, my lap warmer, my fierce little protector. Until we meet again, Lucy. I'll love you always.

~ Leah
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Dearest, Leah,

I am with you in everything you say about your feelings for Lucy. I remember how I felt about Gonzo and Solly at the two month mark, unfortunately the situation hasn't dramatically changed for me. I still feel insular, disjointed, disconnected from the world. All my motivation seems to be projected towards my babies; remembering them and paying tribute to them. Some days, I feel as if I am alive simply to make sure they are not forgotten. I know in time I will feel better, that life will not be such a pointless exercise and I will begin to enjoy and look forward, but I'm not at that stage yet.

I can honestly say that I am not myself, haven't been for several months now. I have always been an optimistic sort of person looking on the bright side, but lately there isn't a glimmer. Everything is simply dull, tarnished, lacklustre. 

I sincerely hope that, in time, life for both of us becomes a lot more bearable. Losing our precious babies has fairly knocked the stuffing out of us. Lucy is such an adorable little girl and I can sense from your words that she was the world to you, and you to her. 

Take care, Leah. I will be thinking of you, and Lucy too.

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” – Jack Lemmon

Solly, Gonzo, Daisy-Mae, Ebony, Jerry, Tigger, Bonnie, Suzy, Cleo, Spike, Sooty, and Tibby – dazzling lights that will never fade. Adored, cherished, I was privileged to know you all. Until we meet again, my beautiful babies. Bowls of love and cuddles, your ever-loving, devoted Mummy xxxxxxxxxx

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I know how much you loved Lucy. I know it's hard. I'll be thinking of you wishing you peace and strength to get through each day.

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I know how hard those "benchmarks" can be and that two month mark is a very hard one.  I know exactly how you are feeling without your Luc Luc.  Each day that goes by is another one without my girl and another day longer since I was ever without her.  Has been a little over three months for me and I can say that it hasn't gotten any easier.  I am so thankful the holidays are over, they were so very hard to get through.  When that "light" leaves your life, it takes that with you.  People keep telling me it will get better, but everyone reacts differently.  I don't see how it ever gets better.  You just get better at coping and crying less, but the pain is there.  We have to survive, as our babies wouldn't want us to be hurting so much and so sad.  Their mission on Earth was to bring us joy and love, and they succeeded.  I go through each day without thought of tomorrow now.  We will get by and one day they will be with us again.  Hugs to you and Lucy..

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again


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