I adopted her as a kitten. She was the first animal in my life I had ever adopted. She was all black. The dog I had at home was all black and I thought they could be sisters.

She was the calmest of my pet children. Never in her life did I see her upset about anything.

When she started to get "really sick" near the end of her life, I was in shock, disbelief and depressed. Can I tell you that she was really healthy her entire life? She was not a pet who was in and out of the vet office. Seeing her sick was devastating. I started to run to experts. I was positive I could save her from getting worse and could turn things around.

She was on IV fluids for kidneys, rx kidney food and things were OK. But I could tell something was wrong. Then she developed a thyroid problem. And after that but in conjunction with that, all hell broke lose. Anemia, anorexia, high blood pressure. She was on so many daily treatments and medicines. And I was going about all of this trying to cure what ailments she had. Never did I see all of this as a death sentence.

It was the second time in her life that I fed her by hand. She was very weak and I had never seen her like that. She was letting me hold her like a baby. And she was the cat who did not want to be held. I was in a panic. I was trying to stuff food into her mouth but it was coming out because her mouth was tiny and I was putting in too much. I was insane with sadness. I kept stuffing anyway but lightened up.

I put her down and she lay on her bed in the living room. She got up and started to walk in circles. She went into the bathroom. I waited a couple of minutes and then went in. She was alive but passed out on the floor. I picked her up and she responded with complete terror. She was terrified in a way you would have had to see for yourself. She tried to run and hide behind the toilet but she couldn't make it.

I took her in bed with me and was scared. She lay next to me for maybe a minute or two and then wanted to get away. I put her in her bed in the bedroom. She was disoriented and facing the corner of the room. Feeling sorry for her being in that position, I picked her up.

She started to gasp the loudest I have ever heard anyone gasp. Then she screamed at the top of her lungs. This happened 3 times. And she had finished living. I was not sure if she was gone. I have never watch an animal pass away. This was my first time. And it was about 2 in the morning. I sat on my bed and propped her up in a sitting position on my lap. I needed to know if she was still alive. I heard a noise come from her chest. I said in a nervous way, "Are you still alive?". But she wasn't. Her body felt so light compared to when she was breathing. I freaked out. I did not know what to do with her body. I laid it in the middle of my bed and ran to my computer to find help. I could see her from where I was and ran back in and picked her up and held her as I typed. I was frantic.

Emerald was the prettiest of my girls. She was jet black and had gold colored eyes. She was gorgeous. I miss her so very much. My life is over in many ways. We shared a life for 19 years.

This is a very hard reality to have to face.

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I am so so so sorry for your loss of a true friend. I wish I knew how to bring us comfort when we loose our pets like this. It's so heart breaking and unbelievably painful. I can't tell you how many times I have cried in the last week. Going through the emotions of loosing my best friend and holding them as they ascend to the heavens. I know I have to be strong and care for my other furry friends. They need my love and I need theirs as well. As we speak, my Lena is getting cremated and I have been shopping for urns and memorable necklaces that I can place some of her ashes in. This way, I will always have her with me no matter where I go even though I know she will watch and care for me in her new life. I get some peace from knowing that when it is my time to join that big field in the sky, she will be the first loved one I see at Rainbow Bridge. The love that we shared for each other while she was alive was so strong, it's bound to last even into the afterlife. I know it will be this way for you and your beloved friend as well. It's amazing how much we come to care for these animals. May we somehow find peace with their passing but keep their memories alive by remembering the good and none of the bad. In many ways, your friend was like my Lena. I had to rush her to the ER one other time for urinating blood into my bathroom sink. Come to find out she has huge crystals in her kidneys and it was all from the dry food Purina. She was given a shot and put on RX food and eventually got well. I had to switch her to Science diet and now that is all I feed to my kitties now except for my cat BooBoo who is diabetic and has his own special food. I also now put a tiny bit of Turmeric in their food as this obliterates cancer cells as well as coconut oil. Time will help heal us but in the mean time, see your kitty as being there spiritually looking after you. God Bless.
Jennifer Smith
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Thank you Jennifer. That was beautifully put. I appreciate the time you put into it.
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I am so sorry for your loss and know the grief you are experiencing. I lost my 18 year old cat about three weeks ago that my husband and I got as a kitten when we first met. She was relatively healthy for years until about a year ago being diagnosed with kidney disease and hypothyroidism. It sounds as if you took wonderful care of her and she knows that. She is no longer in pain and playing with the other animals at the Rainbow bridge. I found comfort is reading The Rainbow Bridge:Pet Loss is Heaven's Gain. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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