christinafl13
I feel like a dulled version of myself. Maybe this is the new me. I don't know. I don't know if I can be happy again without her. I don't know if I want to be. I feel like if I'm happy again it will be like I'm forgetting her. She was a major part of my life for so long and I feel like she is part of who I am. That space that she occupied turned to grief for her when she died. If I stop feeling that grief, it's as if there is nothing left there. 

I am still so angry. She had such a hard life before I got her. She suffered a lot and all I wanted was to give her the happy loving home that all pets deserve. It's not fair that after she had such an unhappy life before, that her time would be cut short by one of the most aggressive and untreatable cancers that exist. She had to suffer again in the end and it makes me so mad. Wasn't the abuse and torment she went through before enough? She was so gentle and loving and all she ever wanted was to be safe. I tried my best. I literally did everything possible to try and save her but I still feel as if I failed to protect her. 
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Pagmem
I am so sorry. The feelings of grief may change, but the love remains constant. It was because of you that she knew any goodness, safety and true happiness. Sadly, there are some things that, not matter how much we want to, or how hard we try, we can’t fix or stop. It’s not fair. It totally sucks. And I know you’re hurting. I wish I could say just the right thing to make you feel better. Be gentle with yourself. She would want that.

Sending you hugs and blessings,

Melissa
Melissa
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anang
Christina,

My thoughts are with you on this painful journey. You will find a lot of support here from others that have lost their most precious furry friends. 

I found that the first few days were the worst, others may feel differently.

Grief is an individual endeavor for all of us, but we are here for one another.

Much love,
Katie 
K. Unger
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Delphidogmom
Know how you feel.  I have lost 3 in the past 6 months.  I'm just sad and with only one left, I just live each day for her.  When she is gone, I will be done.
Maggie
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Jasmines_Mom
I know exactly what you mean and it is normal to think that feeling better would mean you are forgetting her.  Not everyone experiences this but many people do.  I'm struggling with this thought too and was just reading about it this morning in one of my books on grieving.  Have you tried writing down the happy memories that you have of her?  or maybe making a collage of pictures to remind you of the good times?  Doing something like this might help reassure you that you aren't forgetting her.  I've been keeping a journal of memories.  It's only been 3 weeks since I lost my baby Jasmine and looking at pictures is still too painful for me.  I know one day I will be so grateful to have them though, once the sharp edges of my grief have softened.

Have you considered counseling?  It might help you to talk through some of this with someone.  I'm looking into grief counselors in my area.
I miss you every minute of every day, my sweet baby Jasmine.
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InfiniteRuby
Hi Christina,
I am very sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, not a lot of pets will have a quick and painless death. We wish that we could have our beloved pets with us forever, but sadly they don't live as long as us. She may have had a hard life before, but I'm sure she was much happier when she met you. I'm sure she realized that you were a loving and caring owner. A lot of things in life are not fair, but we cannot control it, and her getting cancer was not your fault. I hope things get better for you. The pain may seem like forever, but it's not going to last forever.
Ruby
"Every world has its end. I know that's kinda sad but... that's why we gotta live life to the fullest in the time we have." -Sonic the Hedgehog
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