Leahbeahis
Today was a rough day in terms of missing Lucy. All day there were triggers that made me think of her and how weird it is not to have her around. I am working on a picture gallery on my bedroom wall and I enjoy looking at pictures of her. I want to be surrounded by her. She brought so much happiness to my life. It's strange how the family dynamics change when a member is added or removed. I don't like a routine that is without Lucy. She'd hate the winter cold now but she would love lying by the fireplace. I really wish I could've have one last day with her. I took for granted that look we would give each other. I wish I could've looked at her one last time. One more walk, one more night to cuddle, one more nap together, one more round of tricks for treats, one more car ride together, or one more massage to give her. I will never live without guilt of this accident. She didn't deserve to die that way, and I never would've thought in a million years that would be the way she would go. She is supposed to still be here with me. I thought we had more time together. She was such a strong little girl, she had to go through some tough things but she didn't complain. As soon as she felt better, she was back to giving me all she had in her 5lb little body. I just can't believe it. If she were here right now, she'd come out from under the covers and stare at me while I'm crying. At times it was kind of menacing but she'd eventually make her way to my lap and that would comfort me. I miss her so much I can't even express the magnitude of the pain I feel.

I love you forever Luc Luc. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help comfort you in your transition. I hope I will see you again, my silly little girl.

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~ Leah
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jaschutz
I am so sorry for your loss and this extra difficult anniversary. Your words bring tears to my eyes because I feel so many of the same things that you do. Sometimes it feels like this heartache from missing them will never fade. Lucy looks like such a beautiful and special girl. If only all of us were granted one more day with our angels, maybe we could find some temporary relief. We could tell them how much we love them and focus on that happy "last" day instead of the real difficult last days that we know. I know it's easier said than done to tell someone not to feel guilty, especially when they are grieving. I feel guilty every day as well. But I know Lucy is in heaven and in no way does she blame you. All she feels is the love that she continues to feel every day. I hope that Lucy is giving you extra strength and love from Heaven today. She knows how much you miss her.
Jamie

You can visit London's memorial at:
http://RainbowsBridge.com/residents/LONDO001/Resident.htm
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Leahbeahis
Thank you Jamie,

You are so right. We wish so much that we could say goodbye in the peaceful and fulfilling way that we had imagined but that is not reality. Thank you for your response and for providing comfort and support to me. I am so grateful for this forum as it allows me to feel closer to Lucy and to read about everyone's fur babies that they love so much. I hope that London is also sending you signs from Heaven. It is all we can hold on to anymore.
~ Leah
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