Kudzu
First, my heart goes out to all of you who lost your pets. This is my first experience with losing a pet, and I'm having a hard time. I had my beautiful cat for 10 years. She had a direct connection to my heart. I loved her deeply, and she was my little shadow, following me around every day. I called her "puppy cat," because she wiggled her tail when I would say her name and she would amble over when I called her. Last Sunday, we called a vet to our home and put my cat to sleep. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. She was 11 years old and suffering from a rare type of cancer. Today, I feel an ache in my heart. I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do things. As an agnostic, I'm questioning where my little baby is. I find myself staring at the empty spaces she used to fill...I'm filled with such a deep sadness that I will never see my fur kid again. I know I have to pull out of this sadness, but not sure what will help. I've been writing in my journal (today I wrote a letter from her to me), and I bought a necklace with her initial on it. 10 years. And abruptly, she's gone.
Quote 0 0
camunki
I am sorry for your Puppy Cat, and yes, cancer sucks, it took the lives of my 2 babies last year, and I am still grieving. The first few weeks into the upcoming months are by far the hardest. I know the first few days, I did not go to work, i layed in bed most of the time and cried so much, was in zombie mode...then i had to go back to work eventually. I think journaling is great, i do it to this day  now, going on over 8 months and it helps so much to write out my feelings. And i too have a necklace but i put my babies "ashes" into it with their names on the back and i wear this almost daily keeping my Munki and Daizy close to my heart. 

Please keep posting and know you are not alone and there are wonderful folks here who can help you on this grieving path

Cam


 
Quote 0 0
Kudzu
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry for your loss of your two babies. It seems so unfair that their lives are so short. It makes me wonder how people can have multiple pets over a lifetime when the loss of each one hurts so much. I'm definitely missing my girl this morning. There are so many places around the house that remind me of her. Looking at those places makes me sad, especially the chair she hid under when the vet gave her the first shot (to make her sleepy).
Quote 0 0
Kudzu
She passed away in my office, where I spend a lot of time. I wonder if I should rearrange the furniture and do a little incense ceremony to purify the space and help her transition.
Quote 0 0
NormaT
Dear Kudzu,
Their suffering ends and ours begins.
I'm sorry for your loss. We had our dog, Spike, put to sleep at home just over 6 months ago. It hurts so much after they pass and I'm sure I went a little crazy for a while such was the grief. I never thought it would hurt so much.
At first I found it hard to go beside the spot where he passed as it upset me so much. Now though it's ok and sometimes I rub the rug he was lying on and talk to him.
On the first night I opened the windows in the room to let him out - if this makes sense.
It doesn't feel like he's around the house so I hope wherever he is he'll be having fun and getting lots of treats. I hope its the same for puppy cat.
Please believe me - it does get easier with time.
Norma
Norma 
Quote 0 0
Kudzu
Hi NormaT, 

Your note really moved me. I'm so sorry your sweet Spike had to be let go. On her last day, the puppy cat sat on a stone outside in our garden. We put her down a week ago today, and I find myself returning to that stone, leaning down and touching it. I totally understand the concept of opening the windows, so Spike's spirit could fly free. That's a beautiful idea, and I might do the same thing today for the puppy cat. When she really wasn't feeling well, she would go sit in my closet, on an old jacket of mine. I ended up removing that old jacket, but I don't have the heart to put something else in its place. A part of me thinks I never will. It's starting to get just a little easier. Yesterday, I wrote a letter from her to me, which was healing. I also spent time with some friends who just let me sit with my grief, and didn't make me feel uncomfortable for doing it. Joining this forum also helped. I miss her so, so much, and she has already visited me a few times in my dreams, which has been comforting too. 
Quote 0 0
Lizzy12
Kudzu my heart goes out to you. You made the most unselfish decision you could for your cat. My cat came when he was called- they're such wonderful smart creatures. Home can feel like a tough place when there are so many memories of them, but I hope you find a way to honor her memory in that space. Grief is such a trying journey but it sounds like you've already found some positive ways to get through it. The day after my cat died I barely got out of bed and cried all day. I did find this forum though and hope it helps you as much as it's helped me.
Quote 0 0
Kudzu
Thank you, Lizzy12. I did the same thing you did the day after my puppy cat passed. I slept and slept and slept. And cried. I've cried so much -- I didn't even know it was possible to have so many tears! 

My husband has been incredibly supportive to me over the past 2 weeks. But I feel like now he's running out of steam a bit, and needs time to "re-fuel" after being such a compassionate spouse. (He was very present with me and felt my grief with me over the past few weeks.) 

This forum is helpful because I am still missing my baby terribly. I don't want to lean on my hubby too hard. I feel like...my friends have offered condolences (over Facebook and text messages), and a handful called, and even fewer came to visit. Just two stopped by. I was a bit surprised at that, because in my mind, losing the puppy cat was the same as losing a member of my immediate family. 
Quote 0 0